Help Me, Bubby!

2010-02-27T19:33:00.002-05:00

Dear friends of Bubby,

Six years ago we started a blog with our grandmother, Bubby, as a way to share her wise advice with the world. We knew that everyone would love her wit, candor and compassion.

This little experiment soon turned into something more special than we could have ever imagined. Within months, Bubby was receiving letters from thousands of people around the world, pouring out their hearts, and sharing their most personal stories with our grandmother. She loved offering her help. She loved reading your letters every day. She was so proud to be a Bubby to all of you.

Sadly, last night, we lost our Bubby.

At 94, she was still beautiful.

Thank you for all of your contributions over the years. You helped make her life that much more special.

With love,
the granddaughters

2009-08-24T03:46:00.009-04:00

Reader Update!

In July of 2006, we received a letter from a 29-year old woman with a broken heart. And this wasn't the first time she had to pick up the pieces.

She and her fiance were supposed to be married in 2005, but he called it off and they parted ways. 6 months later he found his way back to her, begged for forgiveness, re-proposed, and she accepted. A few months went by and he called off the wedding again. But of course he kept her dangling and her hopes for a third reunion remained high.

When you hear a story like this, you want to yell from the rooftops, "FORGET HIM!" But as we all know, the heart can be hard-of-hearing sometimes. And this girl needed some advice. Leave it to Bubby to set things straight.

Bubby wasted no time referring to this man as an "immature fellow." She wrote, "I recommend you forget him and if he calls, just tell him the party is over... There are many fish in the sea and I am sure there is one who is looking for you... Life with this person will never happen. I wish you all the happiness in the world."

Even an anonymous commenter left a note saying: "Bubby's quite right. If he breaks it off once, and comes back, and all's well, fine. We all make mistakes, and we all have doubts. If he breaks it off twice?! Run, and never look back."

There is nothing we love more at this website than an update letter with a happy ending. So we are pleased to report that nearly 3 years to the date of this original posting, we heard from this woman again.

What do you think happened? Did he finally grow a pair? Did she learn her lesson? Did she take Bubby's advice?" Read on to find out...

Dear Bubby,

I wanted to write to up-date you and to thank you for the very good advice you gave me some three years ago now. My then fiance had called off our wedding for the second time and I was so distressed. You said I should forget this immature person who had wasted so much of my time.

I took your advice and it really really worked out! After deciding to end all contact with my ex-fiance, I worked hard on my career and found a fantastic new job. The very first month I met a colleague in another department and, in time, we fell in love. We married last year and are now expecting our first child.

With my ex, everything was difficult. With my now husband, everything is easy - we can really talk and he is so kind, fun and gentle. And, he was, from the beginning, absolutely sure about me. He is also supportive of my career as we work in the same field, something my ex never was. Really, he just cares deeply about my happiness and I couldn't imagine that I could ever love someone as much as I love him.

I never would have found this wonderful man if I hadn't taken your advice.

Anyway, just to thank you. Writing to you and receiving your sensible response was a great comfort to me then, and I am so grateful I listened to your wisdom.

Wishing you and your family every happiness,
No longer 'Heart-broken all over again.'

Thank you!!
xo, the granddaughters and

2009-04-06T12:26:00.002-04:00

Happy Passover!

Searching for the afikomen
Can be quite a chore
Tipsy from the wine you drank
Glasses, 1 to 4.
Filling up on matzah brie
Children ask, "On this night, why...?"
What better way to celebrate
Than to have Bubby make your seder plate.

April 17, 2005: A Bubby's Passover wish for everyone
April 24, 2005: 32 people around the table!
April 25, 2005: Noodle Yummy on Passover?
June 22, 2005: Why 8 days?
Passover cartoons: Here.

love,
the granddaughters

2009-03-05T18:16:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday!

No, not to Bubby. One of her granddaughters is turning 31 this week! We'll be visiting Bubby over the weekend to celebrate with her. Plus, rumor is we're going to be baking hamentashins with her too. Now that's what Bubby calls a party. (By the way, if you need the recipe again, here it is. And here's the baking video we made last year.)

But, back to the aging process. Here are some great birthday-themed letters that have been sent to Bubby over the years:

Is it approrpriate to have a Jewish baby naming ceremony for a boy on his first birthday?
Why did he act so distant at my birthday party even though he drove 2 hours to see me?
Bubby thinks you should take a cold shower and wait until your 16th birthday party.
My husband forgot my birthday, what should I do?
If I pretend you are my Bubby, will you send me a birthday gift?
Why don't you buy him a nice broadcloth shirt or a slipover sweater for his birthday?
My boyfriend had fun on his 21st birthday, but I haven't yet. Should I marry him?

Best to everyone!

2009-01-20T19:29:00.002-05:00

What an historic day! Bubby couldn't be more pleased to see Barack Obama become our new president. She was glued to CNN just like the rest of the world. Can you imagine how it must feel to be 93 and see such a pivotal moment in history??

To commemorate the day, we decided to remind you of some great letters Bubby has responded to over the years that were related to politics.

love,
the granddaughters

2009-01-09T17:03:00.003-05:00

With the economy being what it is today,
and stock markets holding your dreams at bay,
your financial woes may make you shed a tear,
and overdose on panic and fear.
But Bubby just smiles and to us she'll say,
"Don't forget. Money is round... It can roll towards you, or away."

Here are some of the best "money questions" Bubby has responded to over the years.

love,
the granddaughters

2008-12-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

Another year has gone by... Another birthday is here to celebrate.

HAPPY 93rd BUBBY!

love,
everyone

Post your birthday wishes to Bubby in the comments below.

2008-09-28T12:12:00.002-04:00

Happy Rosh Hashana!
Bubby and her granddaughters wish all of you a happy and healthy new year.

Over the years we have received so many (thousands!) of touching, endearing, tearful, hopeful, soulful letters from people around the world, asking Bubby for life advice. We wish for all of you that your stories turn out happy and everyone sees all their dreams come true.

And on that note, how 'bout a happy update letter!

On July 25, 2005, we received a letter from a 25-year old woman living in Belgium who told Bubby she was planning to marry her boyfriend. She was looking for her first job after graduate school, but the only one available to her was far away in Paris. She wasn't excited about the job and didn't feel like it matched her qualifications. But she was afraid her parents would be mad if she didn't accept it.

Bubby wrote her wisely, "It is a terrible feeling to get up in the morning and go to a job that you don't like or are not qualified for. Just give yourself more time to find the job for which you are trained and you are qualified."

And then she added, "Don't worry about your boyfriend. If you really love one another distance will not make a difference." Bubby knows what long-distance love is like! And she knew there was a way to solve this problem if everyone sat down to talk about it. "Put your thinking cap on!" Bubby told her.

A few years went by, and on March 8, 2006, we received a great update letter. They were still happily in love and getting married! She did find another job that she was much happier with, even though it still meant geographical distance for the couple. But they visited each other every weekend, and spoke on the phone every day. She wrote, "This is working, because we made it work, with lots of patience and love. Thanks for your nice advice to me when I asked for it... I'll send you another update for the wedding."

Well, we're happy to report that she kept her word. This week we received another great update letter. She wrote:

Dear Bubby,

I am very happy to tell you that, due to my good job and good fortune, he was able to come join me in Paris to look for a job (which he found easily). We got married in April. We first met in 2003, and it was a difficult 5 years. We got through it, partly thanks to your advice.

So thank you very much and take care.

From,
The Old Continent

2008-09-25T12:42:00.000-04:00

More great fan letters for Bubby:

Your site is a great idea and your acts are beautiful mitzvos. You have my admiration always for helping these people in your special way. Blessings.

And...

Dear Bubby,
I would like to congratulate you on a successful and ingenious site :) I'm a newcomer but I'm impressed with the layout and content. It's very nice of you to want to help those in need of advice.

Thanks everyone!

2008-08-24T23:37:00.002-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Bubby had some special help from her own daughter to answer this new letter.

Dear Bubby,

I'm a 17 year old girl and a senior in high school. I am a member of the softball team and this year I've been named captain!

This past Sunday something I never could have imagined happened... our assistant coach past away. The whole team is devastated. It was very sudden, he wasn't even sick. Now, every time our head coach looks at the team, he gets tears in his eyes.

As the captain, I feel it's my job to keep everyone in high spirit. I put on a brave face and act like everything's OK, but I just can't do it anymore. I need a shoulder to cry on too.

What can I say to my teammates to help them cope with this great lost without lying to myself? How can I help my head coach deal with losing his best friend?

Please help me...
Team In Tears

Dear Team In Tears,

Every person should allow for time to mourn. It's a very human need. You need to be patient with yourself. It's very kind of you to want to help your team.

In time, everyone's spirits will be revived and the memory of your coach will celebrated in team victories.

But for now, take time to cry, talk about your feeling, and share them with your teammates. Even if you tell them that "Everything is OK", it's all right to admit that it isn't right now.

Maybe you guys can do something in his honor, like raise money to help his family, or have a memorial service, or a candlelight vigil. Maybe everyone can share stories about him.

There is a time for mourning, and a time for smiling.

2008-08-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks!
Bubby recieved a very sweet fan letter. We thought we'd share it with you...

Hello Bubby,

That's so nice to read your advices. We always need advice in our life and sometimes get lost with what we should do in our life, especially when we're thinking alone.

I really thank you for all what you do to help people. so nice!

Good luck & take care!

From,
Seeking

2008-07-27T22:22:00.002-04:00

Dear Bubby,

My husband is 58 and I am 57. He is retired from his job and stays home. I still go to work as a school secretary. I like my job, hate the commute. Our daughter, who is 30 and single, has a 2 year old little girl, who we adore. My husband babysits 2 days a week and a babysitter comes in 3 other days. My husband and I want to sell our house and move to a retirement village in Florida so that we can spend our days in the sun, enjoying the rest of our life.

Problem: My daughter and her baby cannot afford to live on their own and she states that she HATES Florida and will go to a shelter before moving to Fla. Also, my mother in law lives 3 houses away, is not well physically and would be horrified if we moved. She is also very attached to the baby.

OY.

My daughter does not give us any money towards the house, it is very expensive to live here and we want life to be easier for us. What ever we do it seems someone will get hurt. I am not even sure if I want to go. My mom and my siblings live 40 minutes away and i would miss them a lot. STILL....it would be so much easier financially.

Thank you for your time,
Moving Mom

Dear Moving Mom,

Well, beggars cannot be choosers.

Imagine that entitlement!

You should do whatever you can afford. Take your mother-in-law to Florida. If your daughter doesn't want to come to Florida so that you can continue to help her, let her get on with her life elsewhere. Let her find out on her own, how hard it is to live on your own.

Meanwhile, you deserve your day in the sun. You certainly worked hard for it all your life.

Imagine that.

2008-07-11T22:50:00.003-04:00

Reader Update!
We all love a good reader update story. And today we have a new one for you...

On May 7th, 2006 , Bubby received a touching letter from a man who had just lost his wife a few months earlier. It was a heart-breaking letter about love and loss and faith. Bubby knows all about that sort of thing, and was eager to respond.

To paraphrase, he asked her, "...if God doesn't make mistakes, and if He has a plan for each of us, and if that plan is good, why [is my family] here eating a huge crap sandwich?" Because he had two children to continue raising, he needed to know how to pick himself up again.

Bubby, of course, had a lot to say. First she emphasized, "I know just how you feel because I have been in the same boat. For some time I could do nothing but feel sorry for myself." And then she advised, "Remember the wound heals but the scars remain and life goes on. I know I'm here and you will be too. Be a good loving father. Have courage and smile."

Two comments were also left in that post by readers. One anonymous person wrote in, "be patient and believe that future will bring joy and happiness for you and your children." And another nicely added, "... Life doesn't end after this....and neither do families. Families are forever. Let that be the lighthouse shining through the fog."

Well, we were oh so happy to find a myspace update from our reader this week with an update on his life and the children. With permission, we just wanted to let you all know how things are:

Dear Bubby,

Hi. About 2 years ago, I remember asking you why God took my wife and left me and my kids alone. Well, now we are doing OK, and involved in new adventures. It is still sad, but bearable, and of course we still miss her. But life goes on, and I think the future will be OK too.

We hope this inspires others. Feel free to leave your comments below.

Until next time...

2008-06-22T20:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 30 years old. I am Muslim and live in an Arabian country. I suffer a lot because I'm homosexual. I hate that but I do not know how to change and be normal. I want to marry and get children. Is there hope? Is there methods or cure for my case?

Please help, sorry for my bad English.

With a lot of love,
Trapped In Here

Dear Trapped In Here,

I suggest you move to a country that is more tolerant so that you can have a life. A happy life. Homosexuality is not a disease, you are just born that way. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you.

People who are not educated well enough don't know how to be more accepting. Start accepting yourself first. You can still have a family and children, just maybe not where you are living now.

Don't lose hope.

2008-06-08T16:13:00.002-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I'd really really appreciate it if you gave me your wonderful advice on this particular situation that I'm in. I am sure that you get a ton of email from people around the world - but it would be amazing to get feedback from such a great lady.

Fortunately for some—and unfortunately for others in high school, the junior prom is just around the corner. I know it's just one night and essentially just another school dance, but with added stress and more hype. (It all seems so shallow yet fun to me). I have the dress. I have the group of friends I'm going with. Just missing is my date.

Nervous to the point that I almost couldn't think, I asked a friend (who is a senior) to the prom, as friends. He was very kind about it... but said he couldn't go because he was visiting his sister somewhere. He told me "thanks for the invite" and suggested that I ask one of his friends.

Wow. This was like a small slap in the face. But it's life. And it happens.

Unfortunately one of my friends (a girl) had already asked (the senior's) friend. Pretty much all of my girl friends have dates and I know it is my fault that I waited too long to ask that senior in the first place.

But along comes fate. In the face of a guy, who I'll call Joe, and who is looking for a date. I hear that he is planning on asking me. It is so exciting that someone is going to ask me to prom, but I don't really like Joe like a boyfriend...like I'm not attracted to him at all. He's not that bad looking, just really annoying sometimes. I hate to sound to shallow mean but I care too much about what other girls in my school would say and think. (Like "Oh she's too good for him" Or "she shouldn't settle").

And I shouldn't care.

But I begin thinking that maybe all this stupid drama would not have happened if I had had a boyfriend. Maybe none of this rejection and awkwardness would not have occurred. Maybe there's something wrong with me or something I did or did not do that causes me not to have a boyfriend.

I have lots of friends (guys and girls) in school and am active in many clubs and sports. I try (but not too hard) to be outgoing and positive but it seems all very fruitless at the moment.

So what went wrong? Will I ever find not just someone who I like, but some who likes me back?
And is finding a boyfriend this hard in college? I hope not.

Please Bubby, could you respond to my incredibly long email? Pretty please? And thanks so much for your time.

Sincerely,
Questioning Girl

P.S. Does Love exist?

Dear Questioning Girl,

The answer is YES.
Love does exist.
I found it and so will you.
Just wait.
You never know where love will find you or you will find love.
Just wait.

2008-05-28T17:31:00.003-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Bubby had some help from some special people to answer a ton of new mail she's received lately. Check back all week to read more of Bubby's advice.

Dear Bubby,

I am 15, turning 16. I know I'm young but it is believed I am an "old soul". I believe in a lot of things the people around me don't even consider. However, I am haunted by a dark childhood. Many things have happened to me one of which has ripped me apart from my best friend, my mother. We have been apart for 3 years now with visits once or twice a week but it's not enough ever.

I have also been lost in interest. I used to do ballet, soccer, paint, write, read, everything. And the past two years have been empty of it, not because of lack of opportunity, but lack of interest. I am frustrated because I do not even have anything to lose myself in or vent through. I've been trying everything from belly dancing to guitar lessons and nothing seems to help. Everyone says it's gonna get better. They've been saying it since I was born.

I'm tired of waiting Bubby!

Thank you for even listening,
Losing Interest

Dear Losing Interest,

This will pass. And you are going to look back at the dark side of your life and you will be in control. In a few years you will be an adult and you will be able to make decisions and spend more time with your mother. Just hold on to it. It's going to be OK.

You are a very, very strong young girl with a lot of interests and a nice future. Keep taking advantage of all of your opportunities. This is just for now, but the future is up to you.

This is not forever.

2008-05-24T19:58:00.003-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Today Bubby had a great day with some special visitors. We all gathered together on the couch to answer some new letters. Check back all week to read more of Bubby's advice.

Hey Bubby,

I've been asking my friends this question and been coming up with the same answer, but I wanted an outside opinion. I can't feel like I can really talk to my parents. And my grandparents aren't around anymore.

I want to be an animator. I'm very serious and passionate about art and this career choice. But my dad just doesn't seem to see that. I wish he could understand how I feel about what I do, but he doesn't. Recently I've been talking to him about the idea of college, and I told him of this wonderful college outside of the state. He got really mad.

He told me that he wasn't going to send me money outside of the state, because he didn't think I could handle the responsibility. I have an autistic brother that my mom and I take care of and my dad doesn't help at all. I do a lot around here, and get decent grades in school. I don't understand why he wouldn't think I'm responsible enough.

I'd do anything to get my dad's approval and lately I've been thinking of doing something else so that he's happy and proud of me. Should I go through with not pursuing my career as an animator?

Sincerly,
Lost

Dear Lost,

You should try to explain to your father what an animator does and show him examples of your work. Maybe once he knows what it entails, he'll learn to respect you and the work that you love to do. Find out exactly what he has against being an animator. Maybe he thinks you can't earn a living doing that. Tell him about people who work at Disney - they make a lot of money!

Get your education first. You're still young. You should explore all possibilities. If you are interested in art, then pursue a career in art. Just like my granddaughter.

2008-03-27T09:10:00.012-04:00

Purim!

Baking hamentashen with Bubby for Purim

A recent visit to Bubby's house resulted in a very creative afternoon. Hope you enjoy this short film made by Bubby's granddaughter!

Click on the white triangle above to start the movie.

2008-02-22T12:00:00.006-05:00

Overheard on the red carpet

Joan Rivers: "And what are you wearing tonight?"

Natalie Portman: "Oh, this is an original 'Help Me, Bubby!' t-shirt I bought at cafepress, thanks to my favorite blog."

Joan Rivers: "It's fabulous. I'm kvelling over it. Melissa, get one of these for my grand kids! I want to be hearted, too."

Just in time of Oscar season, we have three new items in the marketplace today! Click here to visit.

If you've purchased one of our items before (and we know tons of you have!), take a photo of yourself or someone else wearing the item, and email it to us. We'll feature you on Bubby's website...!

2008-02-13T14:12:00.002-05:00

Letters from you!
We get letters every day, and some of them you wouldn't believe! But this month we recevied a lovely one from Michael. He wrote,

Bubby,
It's amazing to me that most Jewish people here don't know what a bubby is and call their grandmother's - grandma. It's amazing what you are doing with the blog.

Good luck,
Michael

Thanks, Michael! This reminds us of a post we put up in July of 2006, regarding Bubby's yiddish moniker. Lots of people ask us about her name. Click here for a refresher on the meaning.

And then we received a cool letter from a woman who calls herself, Lost and Hopeful. She wrote to Bubby about a letter we posted in August of 2007. This is the first time we've recieved a letter from someone asking one of our readers to follow up (usually we have to do the asking!). Here is her question:

Dear Bubby,

I've been reading your old letters, and I came across one that inspired me. Lost Seeker [Monday, August 28 2007] sounds a lot like me. I feel the exact same way as him. I was uninspired when I graduated, and have yet to pick a direction. I am also wondering about love, but that's another story.

I was actually wondering if I could find out how he's doing now? If he went in a particular direction? Maybe his story can help me. Could you ask me if he could give me some pointers? He just sounds like someone I'd like to speak to.

Thank you,
Lost & hopeful

We've reposted the letter she is reffering to below. And of course, we've already sent a note asking our reader for a follow-up! Check back soon to see his reply.

Dear Bubby,

First I want to say that I think your website is wonderful! It's beautiful to see you lovingly helping so many people out there!! If only there were more people like you out there. I send out much love to you!!!

I'm a 22-year-old male, and for the past 6 years I have been feeling more and more lost in life. I just finished college, majoring in science, and although I loved it at first, I ended college with no interest to pursue a career in the subject. I thought by this point in life, I would have my life sorted out a little more.

Most people I know have figured out what they want to do with themselves, they know what type of occupation they want, and they are in long term relationships. Here I am, with no real direction in life, have never had a solid relationship, and no sure sign of one happening soon (or ever).

I've decided to take a year to travel around. I spent 2 months living in Spain, and will be returning to Europe shortly. I'm hoping that travel will help me learn a lot more about the world, about people, and about myself. And hopefully it will help me find some direction.

My question is: Does direction in life ever come?? How exactly does one find it? My current plan is to wander the planet until I find it. And true love? Does it really exist? Is there really a soul mate for everyone? Does life ever come together? I really need the advice of somebody who has been in the world long enough to know the nature of it better than I do.

Thanks so much,
Lost Seeker

Dear Lost Seeker,

I think maybe you don't give yourself enough time wherever it is you go. You should put down roots and get to know the people around you.

Take a job where there are lots of people. Maybe a large corporation. And you'll learn to deal with different personalities. Some will be good, some bad, some will have expectations and others will never get off the ground. And you should learn the difference.

Yes, there is a true soul mate. And you will find that it will find you. And one day without hunting, she'll be there. I know. Because I went through it.

Just wait and see. True love will come.

2007-12-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

I discovered your website today and it's so good to know that somewhere in the world I can talk to a grandmother who would care of me. Unfortunately I never had talks with my own grandmothers. Sometimes I feel alone and I know my friends can't help me because they are too young. Sometimes I see an older woman in the street or in the bus and I wonder about the luck their grandchildren have.

I've always wanted to ask questions about love to someone I can trust and who has enough experiences.

I would like to know, according to all your experiences, if love can overcome everything? I think I am in love with someone. But, well, it's a girl. She has problems with drugs. I'm only 18 and people thinks it's stupid, but... This situation is probably absolutely crazy for you. I feel so lost and I just didn't know what to do.

I wish you an happy birthday and all the best. You are just wonderful.

With a lot of love,
LuvGirl

Dear LuvGirl,

There's a lot more to it than just love. Is the person reliable? Is the person helpful? Is the person healthy? Of course if they are good looking and educated then that is much more agreeable. No need to worry about being good looking, there's always more to a person than a happy face. That goes along with it. But it is important to have a good heart.

If they have a strong will, anyone can overcome drugs. She has to put them away and get rid of them. That's very important. I don't know how she started doing them but she has to get rid of them once and for all. She can keep saying, "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" but that will make it worse. It takes a strong will.

She has to tell herself that enough is enough. I'm not going to take them anymore! I'm going to throw them all out and stay away from them forever and forever. The drugs would certainly shorten her life. It takes a strong will and only she knows how strong she is.

"Tomorrow" will never come. There is no end to tomorrows. There's always another tomorrow. I hope she throws them away. Maybe she had an unhappy life at home or broke up with her boyfriend or whatever. But you have to be a strong person.

Thank you for your sweet letter.

2007-12-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

HAPPY 92nd BIRTHDAY

TO BUBBY!!

Send your bday wishes to Bubby in the comments below and we'll make sure she sees them all!

love, the granddaughters

2007-12-03T21:46:00.000-05:00

Blast From The Past
Just for fun, we decided to post an old letter of Bubby's that to this day still remains... how shall we put this?... Relevant?

Feb. 11, 2004

Dear Bubby,

I worry that GW Bush is the worst president the U.S. has ever had and that this is the most critical historical period the U.S. has ever been in.

The combination of those two worries keeps me up at night. Now I have dark circles under my eyes and a permanent back ache, and I'm only 33.

Since you've seen a lot more of life than I have, can you reassure me that things have been this bad before, or maybe even worse, and they got better? Where does a person find hope in the dark moments of life?

Thanks,
Lily

Dear Lily,

Yes, Bush is the worst President we ever had. But we have had bad times and got through it. Do you listen to the programs on some of the political programs like CNN? Listen to as many as you can. I am a Democrat and that is the party of the people. I'm for Kerry and I would like to see Edwards as the No.2 man. I think they are both sincere and will try for the common people -- schools, health, jobs, etc.

Don't give up hope. This is your country and my country and is the best in the world. The trouble will dribble out and our men will come home. I lived through a few wars. Remember the storm is over and the sun shines again. Just like Noah and his ark. Trust in G-d. Keep your spirits high and do what's right.

Good Luck.

2007-11-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

[Granddaughter note: While we had to edit this recent letter slightly due to length, we did not alter the spelling or grammar.]

Dear Bubby,

I am 30 year old woman and live in Shiraz-Iran. I love my country but its pretty mail domination. Which means woman have little opportunity. To find husband, take care of kids, and be obedient is the most important things for woman in my country. I had one terrible marriage experience. My ex-husband was addicted to heroin and my mother in law was abusive person. how ever after 1 month I got divorce. In my country is not appropriate for woman to get divorce and I considered as not good woman just because I was sure it’s not right to share life with rubbish man….

After my divorce I decided to run my own business, I am planning to make nice coffee shop but my mother thinks it’s better for me to get married as soon as possible because I am aging.

I don’t want to repeat my bad experience, my mother is finding me proposal like 40 years old or older… but I am not really interested to marry some one who is older besides the point I am not emotionally ready after what had happen, I just want to focus on my job. Although we have lots of argue, she always does what she wants.

How can I make her to listen to me? My mum was never a good listener at all….

Signed,
Looking For Answers

Dear Looking For Answers,

Nobody can tell you what to do with your life. You have to figure out what is good for you. Every person has a life and that person can decide what to do with that life. Do you want it to be good or do you want it to be bad? Whatever. You want to be well or do you want to be sick?

To be good is best. It doesn't take any more energy to be well as it does to be sick and bad. To be good leaves you free to do what you want to do. You have to work hard. That's the important thing. Nobody gives it to you. You must do it yourself. It's as simple as that.

First, you must get an education. When you have an education you are superior. You can always find someone your own age to marry (or a year or two older, or a year or two younger). You'll always find someone you can love and be married to, so I think your mother is wrong.

If you want to open a business, more power to you. You have to keep your eyes on the ball. It's not easy, but if you work hard, it comes to you. No question about it.

2007-11-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

Reader Update!

Dear Bubby,

I haven't been back to check this blog in a while, but every time I do come back, I am so happy to read all the wonderful advice Bubby has to give, and it's so wonderful to see how much love the granddaughters have for their Bubby.

Happy 91st birthday, bubby! My bubby also turns 93 today, and I'm so glad to hear that your bubby is doing well.

I don't think I've ever written to this site for advice, but I started checking this blog out a few years ago when a long-term relationship ended and I was doing lots of thinking about relationships and love. Bubby's kind words and wisdom were so supportive and smart.

Now I'm glad to give my own update. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a very kind, sweet, and handsome man, and he is meeting with the jeweller today to arrange for my engagement ring! It's so exciting to begin this new chapter of my life with someone I love so much.

So Bubby, thank you for all your wisdom along the way. Although it wasn't in direct response to me, you are helping so many people who not only write in with questions but read your advice and kind words.

Love,
I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it

2007-10-31T20:40:00.000-04:00

Question of the day:

While we're waiting for Bubby to return, we thought we'd pose a question to you. Get the conversation started by posting in the comments below.

If someone you are dating tells you that they have been writing a blog about the details of their dating life since long before they met you, would you want to read it?

A Friendly Note

2007-10-28T22:26:00.001-04:00

Hey Gang!

Just an update for those of you kind people who still write to Bubby...

She's doing great! She still can't quite make it to her computer at this moment, so we are relying on alternative ways of getting her feedback onto the website (like hand-written notes, and audio recordings). So forgive the delay in posting. But she sends her regards to everyone, and says she is delighted to hear that you all still check her website daily.

And, yes, we know all the images aren't showing up here as they usually do. We are having some technical difficulties with our hosting company, and expect to resolve that shortly.

Love to all,
the granddaughters

2007-05-25T18:16:00.000-04:00

Guess Who's Back!

Bubby wanted to say hello to everyone and let you know how she's doing. She thanks you all for those kind birthday wishes (she's 91 now!) and has lots to say below. We continue to receive letters from everyone around the world on a daily basis and the stories that you share with us are truly touching. Thank you so much.

Since Bubby couldn't possibly respond to the hundreds of letters waiting her reply in her inbox (did we mention she's 91?), she thought she'd offer some generalized advice that speak to the issues most of you write to her about.

So herrrrrrre's Bubby...

------------------------

Hello!
For a long time I wasn’t well and was not able to get back to my friends through out the country. But now I’m feeling better and I want to acknowledge all my friends who are so kind to write to me. And I wish them all well. And I hope they will continue to write and tell me about all the things they have been doing. I’m feeling much better and I’ve been spending my time knitting a lot of scarves.

Career Advice

First of all, you must love what you are doing. And you must decide what it is best for you. What interests you most? Because when you know what your interests are, you can develop a career. If you like to write, write a book. It can be a review of history, a love story, or a travel log from a vacation that you have had.

Family Advice

When you have a difference with anyone in the family, don’t stop talking to them. Your anger just grows and grows. If you have a difference with a family member, you call that person and you talk it over. Because every problem has a solution.

Money Advice

You don’t spend money you don’t have. Put it this way: You can charge. And when you get money at the end of the month, you pay all your bills. If you don’t pay all your bills one month, you have twice as many to pay the next month.

Religion Advice

Well, there are several ways of approaching religion. There are some people that are ultra religious, and there are a lot of do’s and don’ts. You must thank God for all the good things and be tolerant of all the sad things that happen in a life time.

Love Advice

Well, the day I met my husband he was visiting a friend of his and he stopped to say hello on the way to the station. And I was there. My sister’s future mother-in-law invited me for dinner. And he sat down and had coffee and cake. And he looked at me and he said, pointing his finger at me, “I’m going to marry you.” And I said, “Oh the fortune teller told me I was going to be married twice.” And he said, “Well, I’m going to live with you the longest.” So I said, “We’ll find out.”

My roommate was with me. And she said afterwards, that my eyes sparkled like a flirt. I was embarrassed.

And then it was time for him to go to the station. He missed one train. And then he missed another train. And then we had to go because there was only one more train to New York . And we walked him to the station, and he said, “Is it OK if I write to you? Will you answer me?” And I said, “If you want to.” And then the next day I got a letter. And then day after, I got another letter. And the day after, I got another letter. And everyday I got a letter from him. 215 letters. I think I still have a couple. So I answered him. But if I skipped a day, he would call me.

I was also seeing another boy at the time. His uncle was a doctor and he came from a comfortable family, because he had his own car, which was a big deal. When he drove he only wanted me sit up very close to him in the car. But he would come and sit on the porch with me. But when one of the girl’s in the sorority told him I had a boyfriend, he asked me if that was true. I said, “Well, I don’t know if I’d call him a boyfriend, but I see him a lot.” And that boy said, “Well, to me that sounds like a boyfriend.”

Then my father told me he didn’t like him. So I wrote him a letter. I wrote: “Don’t write to me anymore. Because my father told me I should break it off with you. So you have to forget about me. I must listen to my father. He pays my tuition.” But he wouldn’t take no for an answer. And we were married by his father, a rabbi.

Make sure that in your heart it tells you that this is the one. Or not. And he was the one. Because he was very, very kind. And he helped me in every way that he could. He went to school at night, worked during the day. He was a very good husband. When my son was born, he helped me. He made the funniest diapers. He put the diaper on, and as soon as you picked the baby up, they fell off.

I remember sitting in the hospital all day and all night. When he died, he died in my arms.

Be Happy
Life is what you make it. It can be happy or sad. But to be good it must be one of joy and happiness. Because every person has happiness in his soul. And if you keep thinking sad things, you are a sad person. So be happy. And life will be good to you. Everyday should be filled with sunshine and the sun follows the rain. The earth is cleansed.

2007-05-24T18:37:00.000-04:00

Fun Summer Reading
Since so many of you write to us about broken hearts, longing hearts and hopeful hearts, we thought you'd like to hear about this new book. Bubby endorses it below (and you can view previews of the books, too)...

"If you want to read a good book, full of joy and good health and happiness, I recommend this book, especially if you are sad. And lonely. Reading this book will bring you joy and happiness. Joy and happiness will bring you good health. If you want to see some joy and fun, you must look at the cartoons made by my granddaughter. They are available on the Internet."

~ Bubby

And if you haven't yet checked out Bubby's book, it's the perfect read for a few hours at the beach. If you think YOU'VE got problems, check out what everyone else is kvetching about...

Available today at lulu.com

Post your reviews!

2006-12-09T16:04:00.001-05:00

Count Those Candles

Bubby's birthday is coming up in a week and she'll be 91 years old!
Use the comment box below to post your birthday messages to Bubby, and we'll make sure she reads them all.

In the meantime, we're re-posting a letter someone sent to Bubby back in July of 2004. And yes, it has to do with birthdays.

Thanks for reading!

All the best,
the granddaughters

Dear Bubby,

My husband forgot my birthday this year. Should I also forget his?

From,
Alone in Jerusalem

Dear Alone in Jerusalem,

I know how you feel to be forgotten on your birthday by your husband but two wrongs do not make a right.

I would send him a card with nothing on it for one thing and a gift box with nothing in it. And if he says anything I would remind him of what he did to me.

And then I would say that now that we have both had our says -- Let's go out and celebrate for both of us. And I bet next year he will not forget at all.

Have a good time. Remember, there are forgetful moments in every life time. Let this be the last in yours.

2006-12-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

Reader Update

Bubby sends her best to everyone and maybe soon she can put together a little message for you all. But in the meantime, she's resting up, and you're all moving on with your lives. We know that, because, you send us Update Letters! And we love 'em.

So here's a new one (keep sending them in, please! According to our poll, it's one of your favorite parts of this site).

On September 17, 2006, we posted a letter to Bubby from "Upset Girl". She was a 24-year old, recently graduated, hopelessly-in-love young woman. Imagine that. Problem was, her boyfriend the programmer never thought about marriage. And guess what, you'll never believe it: She did! A lot. She thought about what a good husband he would make, how good of a provider he would be, how well he would continue to treat her...

But when a girl thinks about those things, A LOT, and the boyfriend does not think about those things, like, EVER... Well, a girl starts to get upset. And a girl writes to Bubby asking what she should do. And Bubby writes back, saying, "Don't push it. If you push it, it will be over. Young men are fragile. Be smart, and you will win."

Fragile? Young men are fragile? Well, we had no idea. See, you can learn something new from Bubby everyday! Now it's a few months later, and we were wondering, has "Upset Girl" pushed boyfriend over the edge, or has he found his footing and set the date? OR.... has something entirely different happened? Sshh, let's find out...

Dear Bubby,

Thank you for giving me that wisely advice. Just 2 months after my first email to you, I made a horrible decision and I had to put an end to this fatal hesitation because I was in a very bad situation mentally, so I disclosed my expectations to my boyfriend and finally I told him I had spent enough time with him and had wanted to plan for the rest of my life with him.

I mentioned my purpose in an indirect manner, but he told me he never had any plan to marry neither me nor any other girl because he was very conservative person and feared from responsibility and also very career oriented and didn't think about getting married.

Despite that his statements were like cold water on my face, I found out the truth and understood that I had enticed my self all those times I was with him. This relationship had taken over my whole world but faced a bitter truth. I have detached emotionally with him and right now I don't know what I can do with the rest of our relationship. He doesn't have any problem with continuing our relationship but I am franticÂ how can I believe that I invested my time, my energy and my emotion for him without any good result that I desired?

I know the best thing to do is to walk away and get along with my own life. I know I can't endear my self to him any more.

By the way your blog is fantastic, I read it everyday and enjoy your nice advices. Despite I never see your lovely face, I know I always have a very especial and positive feeling toward you.

Love,
Upset Girl

Sounds like "Upset Girl" made a bold decision and asked him to step aside herself. But, she still sounds so Upset. Can any of you offer her some advice in the Comments box below so she cheers up?

Love,
the granddaughters

and

2006-11-11T12:45:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! (and Reader Update)

Sorry for the lack of posts and activity on the site for a while. Bubby is OK, just not up to writing lately (supposedly you're allowed to "take it easy" in life once you turn 90!). She still loves hearing from all of you, and receiving such warm accolades about the work she's done on this site for over 4 years!

Until she's back into the swing of things, we'd like to continue to share Bubby-related info with you. And today we have a new update! We love getting these from you, and according to our poll, you love reading them. So here goes...

---------

On September 17, 2005, we posted a letter from a young girl called, "Ready to Change". She wrote to Bubby with a sad heart. Only in 9th grade, she was nearly 200 pounds. She wanted to be healthy, she wanted to stay motivated to loose the weight, she wanted to stop feeling jealous of "skinny people". But it was tough. She asked Bubby what she should do.

Bubby is quite a health-conscious grandma, and quickly told our young reader that she should go see a nutritionist. She wrote, "He or she will take some tests and put you on a very special diet. You MUST follow it implicitly." She warned our reader about the health risks of her condition such as high blood pressure, or diabetes.

Bubby concluded, "If you want to live to a right old age you must take care of yourself now... You will be able to enjoy life as you should at your age."

We were so happy to hear from Ready To Change one year later. She had a wonderful update to share with everyone.

Dear Bubby,

I sent you a letter over a year ago, going into ninth grade. At the time I felt really fat, and unloved. After getting your reply, I joined the swim team. I absolutely loved that experience. I wasn't a varsity swimmer, but I learned to develop my swimming skills. Our team was first in our league that year.

That school year I was the editor for my school yearbook and on the National Honor Society executive board. It was so fun interacting with all these athletes from my school (the school that I go to is really big on sports) while working on the yearbook and knowing that I was an athlete too.

Then, in the spring I took a risk and joined the high school Water Polo team. Water polo is my favorite sport, it is such an intense, fun game.

Near the end of the season, I took up running. I felt so powerful and in control. I wouldn't have done that last year, but I love running now. Now I am back on the swim team, and I'm really only a couple of seconds away from varsity.

I love myself, and I love hanging out with others. I feel like my life has made a huge change since then.

Thank You!
Changed

What a wonderful inspirational update. Thank YOU!

2006-09-27T22:47:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

Bubby's not feeling 100%, so she's taking a little break from advice-offering. But she still loves hearing about all the letters you have been writing to her, and knowing that you continue to come visit her blog. We wish we could publish every one of your questions!

Maybe now would be a good time for you to help her out. If you have previously sent Bubby a letter that she responded to with grandmotherly advice, please send us a new update on your story. It always makes her smile when she hears how your lives continue on. We'll post them on the blog!

All the best,
the granddaughters

2006-09-17T21:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 24 years old and graduated. I would like to marry my boyfriend who is 2 years older than me. I think he is good enough to build a new life with him.

He is a very good programmer and has financial security. His social status is good. He is mature and treats me fine and we love each other very much.

The problem is he never thinks about getting married and always he is thinking about his career and making progress more and more. This hurts me because I think although our relationship is good it may endures for the short run.

On the other hand, I think I am getting an old maid gradually and I haven't got married yet. I avoid asking my boyfriend for getting married and I'm not able to do so because I am shy and can't express my expectations so he has never thought I would like to be his wife. If he known my expectations, he would break up with me and I would get devastated. :(

What should I do for this dilemma? I will be appreciated for your help.

From,
An upset girl

Dear Upset Girl,

Since you have already diagnosed his personality, the best thing you can do is be a good friend with him and let the relationship grow at its own rate. Many relationships grow into a deep love. Don't push it. If you push it, it will be over.

Young men are fragile. Be smart, and you will win.

2006-09-04T15:10:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

Okay, I must be certifiable, but I need help. I will be thirteen in a month or so, but that isn't my problem.

My problem is that I truly love my best friend. It isn't "puppy love" and it DEFINITELY isn't just a crush. We've known each other for six years, half my life. I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me. We were as close as it can get.

But see, I did this stupid thing. I told him. At the start of the summer. And we basically haven't seen each other since. We don't talk, we don't see each other, nothing.

He had the opportunity to tell me how he feels about me (and I'm almost sure he at least partly feels the same way) but he didn't take it. I don't know if he just wishes to go back to being friends, or if he actually would want a relationship with me.

Since I haven't seen, heard, or anything about him, I'm guessing that he just doesn't love me back. I ruined one of the best friendships I had and will ever have. Where my happy loving heart once was, there's just a dull clenching pain. I've only told a few choice people about this, so I have no idea why I am telling this to an utter stranger and the rest of the planet.

I know I need to move on, but I just can't. What can I do to fix this broken heart of mine?

From,
Confused, broken hearted girl

Dear Confused, broken hearted girl,

There are some things you just don't tell and it's sure to make him run in a different direction. He doesn't want to be tied down to just one friendship.

If I were you I would try to say, "Hi, how are you?" and keep going and let him catch up to you and start a connection.

If he continues to go on his way, then you can be sure the friendship is over. You can find new friends and leave this one for the books. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Your heart isn't broken, it's just scratched a little.

There's a lot more there, and through the years you'll prove it. You will meet a lot of boys by the time you are grown and then you can judge who is really your friend. And when you find him, keep him. And have a beautiful friendship. And that friendship will come back to you.

2006-09-02T17:54:00.000-04:00

Newspaper Update!
We were so happy to receive a letter today from a nice woman in Brazil who was able to contact the journalist who wrote about Bubby in "O Globo" - Brazil's Newspaper. Here's what she told us:

Dear Bubby,

Hello! How are you? I love your blog. It's wonderful! Congratulations. I asked Sérgio Maggi, the journalist who wrote the story, and he sent to me. I hope you enjoy!

The text, and the translation:

CONSELHOS DE VÓ: Bubby pode ser a mais velha blogueira do mundo. Ela começou a escrever na internet aos 87 anos (hoje está com 90). As responsáveis pela estréia da velha senhora no mundo dos blogs foram suas netas. Elas achavam que os conselhos da sua avó eram bons demais e deviam ser compartilhados com mais gente. E assim, Bubby passou a dar conselhos via blog.

GRANDMOTHER'S ADVICES: Bubby may be the oldest blogger in the world. She started to write in the internet at 87 years old (today she is 90). The responsible ones for her beggining in the blog's world were her granddaughters. They really believe her grandmother's advices were so good they should be shared with more people. And now, Bubby is helping others through her blog.

2006-08-28T19:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

First I want to say that I think your website is wonderful! It's beautiful to see you lovingly helping so many people out there!! If only there were more people like you out there. I send out much love to you!!!

I'm a 22-year-old male, and for the past 6 years I have been feeling more and more lost in life. I just finished college, majoring in science, and although I loved it at first, I ended college with no interest to pursue a career in the subject. I thought by this point in life, I would have my life sorted out a little more. Most people I know have figured out what they want to do with themselves, they know what type of occupation they want, and they are in long term relationships.

Here I am, with no real direction in life, have never had a solid relationship, and no sure sign of one happening soon (or ever).

I've decided to take a year to travel around. I spent 2 months living in Spain, and will be returning to Europe shortly. I'm hoping that travel will help me learn a lot more about the world, about people, and about myself. And hopefully it will help me find some direction.

My question is: Does direction in life ever come?? How exactly does one find it? My current plan is to wander the planet until I find it. And true love? Does it really exist? Is there really a soul mate for everyone? Does life ever come together?

I really need the advice of somebody who has been in the world long enough to know the nature of it better than I do.

Thanks so much,
Lost Seeker

Dear Lost Seeker,

I think maybe you don't give yourself enough time wherever it is you go. You should put down roots and get to know the people around you.

Take a job where there are lots of people. Maybe a large corporation. And you'll learn to deal with different personalities. Some will be good, some bad, some will have expectations and others will never get off the ground. And you should learn the difference.

Yes, there is a true soul mate. And you will find that it will find you. And one day without hunting, she'll be there. I know. Because I went through it.

Just wait and see. True love will come.

2006-08-22T17:55:00.000-04:00

Reader Update

On July 9th, we received a letter from a 14-year old girl who called herself Sad and Confused. Despite the negative moniker, as she explained to Bubby, everything in her life was going great. However, she was still miserable. Most of it, it seemed, stemmed from struggles she felt she was having with her family. She and her mother were fighting, her brother was picking on her, and her father was pushing a bit too hard. That's how she felt, at least. Well, that doesn't sound too off base for the life of a 14-year old. Who hasn't had those struggles?

But like most teenagers, despite their strife, this young girl just wanted to feel the love. She wanted everyone to stop yelling at her. A teacher at school had given her a hug once, and it made her feel like crying. She told Bubby, "I really want my parents to hug me and tell me they love me... I'’ve been trying my best to be a good child, to not disappoint them."

Bubby was sad to hear such a young girl so blue, but offered some suggestions. First, she thought that mother and father and daughter should all sit down and have a good talk. Talking is always a good thing, especially because Bubby knew that deep down they all cared for one another. Second, she thought her brother should learn to mind his own business. And third, Bubby suggested that she talk to her teacher again, and perhaps get some additional help. The teenage years can be so hard!

Most importantly, and perhaps universally, Bubby advised, "Clearing the air now is more important than 'sweeping it under the rug', so to speak."

So a few months have passed, and we are happy to say we received another letter from our reader. But we're sad to say, it doesn't sound like much has improved. At least hearing from Bubby made her realize she's not alone!

Dearest Bubby,

Oh, Thank God you wrote back. I always hoped you would. I always checked back. I cannot express the relief that I feel that you've responded.

Thank God I'm not alone. Thank god someone will take a unbiased moments to listen to me. Your compassion is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't think it's an oncoming train.

Bubby, did you know my heart paused, frozen when I saw the reply from you? I thought surely I was imagining things, it was too good to be true.

Your suggestions are good, but I don't know if I'll be able to talk to my mom about this. I think I would have to talk to her though, to be able to go to a counselor. It is a sticky situation indeed.

Once I tried to go to a counselor at school. I spilled out every feeling that possessed me. She responded by telling me to draw a picture, as she proceeded to take pictures of her new engagement ring on her digital camera and send it to all of her little friends. It was when I was fairly young, but the concept of no one caring hit home that day.

That, Bubby, is why I never thought you'd actually respond. Your sweet suggestions and kindness are a breath of fresh air.

Thank you.
Your Friend,
Sad and Confused

If you've got some more heart-warming advice for this 14-year old, please share your thoughts in the opinions link below.

2006-08-17T14:05:00.000-04:00

1. Press Update!
We just got a nice note from a woman updating us on Bubby's new newspaper appearance. We weren't able to find it online, but we're happy to know that someone did!

I'm from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and I read about your blog in the newspaper. The name of the journalist who wrote the story is Sergio Maggi. Here is the link: www.oglobo.com.br.

2. Reader Update!
On November 16, 2005, we received a sad letter from a girl who wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend yet. Only 15 years old, she wondered if there was something wrong with her. Why was everyone else moving on with their lives, but she was left alone? Calling herself Pathetic, she wrote to Bubby, "I want to grow up, be my own person... But something is holding me back inside."

Instead of writing back to this young girl, Bubby recorded her advice to her. This audio post was the first of many that we posted a while back.

Today we thought we'd type up Bubby's advice to Miss Pathetic, and then follow up with her new update. If you'd like to listen along, you can download the mp3!

Hi Ms. Pathetic,

I really felt very sad when I read your tale of woe, because I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You're just feeling your age. And I'm sure there are plenty of young girls and boys that go to school and feel the same way that you do.

And as you get to be 16, and then 17... you'll think, "My, I certainly was a kid at 15!" And you'll gradually develop into a fine young woman.

Good luck.
♥, BUBBY

Well, it took less than a year for our young writer to blossom after all! This month she wrote us a very touching update letter, and we'd like to share it with you today:

Hello again.... Miss Bubby,

I remember the day I sent you my email of desperation. How long ago that seems...my, I certainly was a kid at 15!

We always have the ability to surprise ourselves. And my oh my, have I changed. I remember the tale of the ugly duckling that grew into a beautiful swan. It's funny how much that applies to me.

I wish that all young girls/women out there would not waste time on feeling insecure and living up to the pressures of their social lives. Youth is being wasted. Embrace your inner strength, haha.

And guess what, I'm starting to think that maybe I was better off without having to worry about relationships! But even if you don't end up married, or in love, you can meet brilliant people by being confident and social.

So thank you,
Definitely Not Pathetic

2006-08-15T18:21:00.000-04:00

This Day In History
From The Archives: July 23, 2004

Dear Bubby,

So many people say that "when it's love, you just know." I'm 26 years old, and I've never "just known," which I guess means I've never been in love. I very recently started dating a friend of mine, and my question is - how do you know when you're in love with someone? How do you know when a guy is your bashert?

Thanks so much,
Want to Know

P.S. - Your site is wonderful! I really enjoy reading it.

Dear Want to Know,

Not all marriages are made in heaven but you can get pretty close to it. In your case of 26 I think you have the ability to know when the right man comes along. Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things out of life - are you willing to give up some things for him such as moving to a different location and will he encourage you if you have a career or does he want you to stay at home? There are many more questions that you can think of. Is he considerate of you and shares your laughter and tears with you?

If all of the above are answered correctly for you I would say "He is the one" because these are the things love is made of. If it works out for you and I am sure it will, show him the sparkle in your eyes and smile. Before you know it he will pop the question and I don't mean "what time is it?"

The time is now. Best of everything.

2006-08-14T16:36:00.000-04:00

Welcome New Readers
We just got word that Bubby's website was featured in Rio de Janeiro's biggest newspaper. Well, that explains the jump in visitors from Brazil this morning. If that's how you found us, please let us know, since it's news to us. Even better, send us a link to the article.

Dear Bubby,

5 years ago my mom died. Since then I haven't had very much guidance on personal things. My dad doesn't like to talk about things like this so please answer my email.

I am 17 years old, and I think a girl I like likes me. When I am around her I can be myself and she makes me feel great inside. She has a great personality. I am too shy to ask her if she likes me though. How can I find out and how should I go about asking her on a date?

From,
A Shy Guy

Dear Shy Guy,

I am sorry about losing your mother but that is what life is all about - you pick yourself up and go on.

If you like this girl, why don't you ask her to join you for a soda or coffee. If the answer is YES - make up a time with her, pick her up and go. When you are settled you might spend a minute telling her about your mother. Then tell her you like her a lot and everything about her and hope she feels the same about you.

At this point - do not mention LOVE. That is for a later date. If she likes you - she will tell you about herself. If she says nothing, you will know she is not for you. If it goes well - ask for a date to the movies. If she says YES - you are in. If she gives you a lame excuse - she is not interested in you. Give her up.

Don't be shy about being honest.

Good luck.

2006-08-13T16:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am a 25-year old male who has been single for about a year after a relationship that had lasted 7 years.

During that time in the relationship, I never felt the need to make new friends because I was content with the friend I had already had, and never fully developed social skills.

I have a difficult time in crowded places and am always at a loss for words whenever I try to talk to somebody new.

What can I do to better improve? PLEASE HELP!!

From,
Tongue Tied

Dear Tongue Tied,

You wasted a lot of time but it is never to late to start to learn.

I think this girl is a way ahead of you. By 25 you should be able to talk like interviewing for a job or selling or something else. Look into classes in a school who gives these social skills. You will experience an awakening and a new life.

Read books and other publications so you will have something to talk about. Watch other young men as they act in crowds - if you go to parties or other functions go up and introduce yourself and talk because you should have started to learn social skills.

Get help and you will find a new life. Have more than one girl friend - you might also see a psychologist - and learn about yourself. You will gradually become a better person - an interesting one - read the news - always have something worthwhile to talk about.

Remember - he who helps himself becomes a better person.

Get busy if you want to win.

Good luck.

2006-08-11T15:44:00.000-04:00

Reader Update

We love a fast turn around. Just hours after posting Bubby's advice to Love In The Hallways yesterday, we got an email from the same young man with an update.

Dear Bubby,

Your advice really helped me and turned out to be 100% true. My girlfriend and I broke up, which was definitely a turn for the best. There definitely are other fish in the sea. She definitely didn't like me as much as I liked her and I don't think she was ready for a relationship anyway. I'm glad you were able to help straighten me out.

Granddaughter's Note:
While we are so happy to hear that our new friend is getting on with his life, we have to interrupt his update with a quote from Bubby's advice to him yesterday. She didn't just tell him to break up with this girl, she also assured him of this:

At 15 you are just starting to grow into a young man so let this be lesson #1. You will meet many other girls who will try to make up to you and you may say to yourself, "Why are they bothering me?"

And now we return you to the last part of his update letter:

Although, I have a new problem. There's a girl at my school who really likes me and it's obvious to everyone, but I don't really like her like that way. There is another girl that I do like, but I don't really know if she likes me.

How can I ask out the girl I like without hurting the girl that likes me? Can you help me out again Bubby? I really love your advice.

Your friend,
Love in the Hallways

Want to offer your advice?
Post your suggestions in the comment box below.

2006-08-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow...
Just a little bit of info before we get started. Bubby's not able to access her computer right now, but that hasn't stopped her from reading her letters. We, the granddaughters, have mailed Bubby her latest bunch, and while she was doing her laundry this week, she put pencil to paper and actually WROTE out all her responses. And she has quite lovely handwriting.

(So, yes, we typed them up for her. Enjoy!)

Dear Bubby,

I just recently found your website and I need your help. I've seen what others have asked you and I think your advice could really help me.

I'm 15 years old and am in school full time. Unfortunately, me and my girlfriend aren't in any of the same classes together and rarely see each other throughout the day, except for about 10 minutes in the morning. Usually we'll walk by each other in the hallway and say hey or chat for a very brief second.

We've been dating for a little over 2 months and everything's been great until now. Whenever I see her she'll give me a small glance and just keep walking by during school. Yesterday for instance, I called her after school to say "hey" cause we haven't talked in 2 days and she said she was sleeping and was really tired. So, I said I'd let her sleep and I asked her to call me back later when she was awake. She never called! If she called me and I was asleep or busy I'd immediately drop everything and talk for at least a little while.

Every weekend I try to do something with her, like go to the movies or a party or something fun. I'm trying to keep her entertained and attracted to me as best as I can.

Do you think I'm crazy? Am I trying too hard? Or is she just not right for me?

Help me if you can please.

From,
Love In The Hallways

Dear Love In The Hallways,

On all three of the last questions you asked me, the answer is YES.

The girl you are so in love with does not return your affection and she is trying to tell you that in a nice way - by being tired, sleepy and not calling you back. She is civil to you as you pass by in the hall - but that is all she wants from you.

At 15 you are just starting to grow into a young man so let this be lesson #1. You will meet many other girls who will try to make up to you and you may say to yourself, "Why are they bothering me?"

So the balls rolls or the music plays and when you get over this puppy pain and are looking at it about age 20 - you will have a big laugh and maybe really find a girl who will think of you as much as you will think of her and you will fall in love.

After rain there is always sunshine.

Be happy - study hard and prepare yourself for your future.

Good luck.

2006-07-31T18:26:00.000-04:00

Reader Update: Most-Heart-Warming-Ever!

This "Reader Update" spans a few years.

On January 30th, 2004, we received a sweet letter from a man about to be married. He began his letter by telling Bubby that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his beautiful bride.

But... he was nervous. Calling himself, "Scared of Confettti", he confessed to Bubby that he felt the grip of fear getting tighter and tighter, each approaching day scarier than the one before. He asked Bubby, "Is this normal?" Would he be a good husband? Would he be a good father if they ever had children? Could he handle it all?

Bubby replied with a laugh. She assured him that when she was in his shoes (many years ago), she felt the same way! She said to him, "Marriage is a giant step but don't run --- walk. Did it occur to you that your fiance may be feeling the same way? Consider this a step through a tunnel but the sun is shining on the other side. Just be yourself. If you find something is not right, the two of you should talk it all out rationally and don't harbor any resentment. And don't go to bed angry."

In regards to their future children, Bubby said, "Just be an understanding, loving father. Just be yourself... and it will all turn out OK.

And Bubby confidently concluded, "Call me in about 2 years."

Well, one month after that we received another letter from Scared of Confetti. He wrote to Bubby that he had returned from a wonderful honeymoon, and his wedding day was completely nerves-free. He wrote, "I cried when my bride walked down the aisle - she was a radiant picture of beauty personified and any nerves or apprehension I had went out the window."

It was such a wonderful update, and we wished them lots of love and luck in the future.

Then just this week, nearly 2 years after he wrote to Bubby, we received our third letter from Scared of Confetti. And this one really made us smile.

Dear Bubby,

Inspired by reading some recent updates, and something someone said to me today, I thought I would write you a short update.

About two and a half years ago I emailed you because I was about to get married and I was "scared of confetti". You gave me some good advice and reassured me that my feelings of cold feet were natural. I married my girl, and a couple of months later I sent you my first update to tell you how good life was after getting married. I showed my wife my emails and your advice back then, and she laughed so hard, jokingly saying that you would have to become the honorary grandmother to our children.

Well here's my second update Bubby - we're still very happily married, and yesterday my amazing wife gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen; our first born. I think he takes after me because as he was being delivered, he decided to pee all over the place!

This morning I went back to the hospital to see my wife and son, and as she was nursing him she looked at me, winked, and said "You must tell Bubby!"

Bubby, your advise did more than just help me get over my nerves of getting married. Because I was able to see past my nerves, the circle of life has come around again, and now we have the most amazing gift that God could have given to us - a fragile, precious little life for us to raise and look after.

Scared of confetti? No way! I'm just not looking forward to changing the first diaper.

Thanks Bubby!

Sincerely,
Now I'm Scared of Diapers!

2006-07-28T01:18:00.000-04:00

This Day In History
From The Archives: July 28, 2004

Dear Bubby,

I have a really big problem. When I was in tenth grade, my boyfriend said that our relationship could not work. Now we're at the same college and he wants to get back together again. I love him with all my heart, but I'm afraid he might say we have to break-up again, and I don't want my heart broken twice.

Now I know you can't give advice that easily on things like this, so I will describe "Will" to you. He's Jewish, (not that I care, I just know you are, and I am too) smart, loyal, funny, cute, and an all around nice guy. So you are probably wondering why I wouldn't want him. It's not that I don't want him, I love him!! It's just that, as I said before, I don't want my heart broken again.

Now I know this will be really hard to answer, but all I want is your opinion. Like, what *you* would do in this situation? I might or might not take your advice. Thank you!

By the way, he didn't go for another girl when we were apart. I know that for a fact. He said he dumped me because he was being a "jack-ass", as he put it.

From, Clara

Dear Clara,

I agree with "Will". I think he is right when he calls himself a "Jackass". He probably checked out all the "chicks" that are on campus and could not find any one to suit him so he must figure you are there so until someone else comes along you will do.

If I were you I would tell him that at the moment you are not interested and play a little hard to get. See how he reacts. Why should you be hurt a second time? And besides, you might just meet another young man that will appeal to you more. Since you are just in your sophomore year in college you have plenty of time. By the time you are a senior, you will have better values and will have many more very nice "guys".

Don't let this young man think that all he has to do is crook his little finger and all will be forgiven. He hurt you too much -- not again.

Good hunting.

2006-07-27T13:28:00.000-04:00

First Things First...
Congratulations to Bubby for being listed as today's Cool Site Of The Day! Welcome all new readers!

Second Things Second...
It's time for another Reader Update!

On June 28th of this year, we received a letter from a young woman with a fiance on the fence. Their original wedding date had been postponed (thanks to him), and ever since then the topic of "marriage" had grown quite taboo between them. In fact, he went so far as to request she no longer bring it up!

Of course, our reader was responding with frustration. She said to Bubby, "He should not have proposed to me if he had no intentions of marrying me." She was starting to think she should move out of their shared apartment (which he did not want her to do), and was debating whether to call the whole relationship off for good. She confessed, "Why buy a cow when you have milk for free?"

So that's why she came to Bubby, of course. Who else is there to turn to but a 90-year old Jewish grandma with a blog when it comes to times like these?

And what do you think Bubby said? Stay the course? Try and you will succeed? Switch to soy milk?

No, of course not. Bubby wasted no time getting straight to the point: "I think that this guy likes getting his milk for nothing. I think that as long as he's getting what he wants, why should he take on the responsibility that something like that would really entail?"

Not one to mince her words, Bubby assured our reader, "I don't see any future with him. I think you should drop him.... There are plenty of fish in the sea."

Well, with all those fish swimming around, we were anxious to know how our reader was doing. And today we have our answer:

Dear Bubby,

It will interest you that I left my fiance few days after I got this advice from you because it was silly for me to stay with a man who is not willing to take a jump to a new journey together.

A few days ago, he came to me and told me that he was afraid of the future with divorce rates on the rise. Basically I told him that I am scared of marriage too, but it takes two of us to work it out together; he agreed with that comment. Also, I told him life is too short to hide in the closet being afraid until death.

The very next day, he approached me about wanting to marry me and set the date. I am happy to announce that we are going to get married on June 30, 2007. He is very excited about it and he wants to go ahead making plans for it.

*Winks*
Thanks Bubby!

Third Things First...
We also got a nice letter this week about another Grandma who is livin' large online, and we thought we'd share her story with you:

My company is Called Grandma's Chicken Soup. We sell chicken soup, and "Bubby" is the face of the company. I hope that if anyone needs some healing for their soul, you would refer them to us at www.BubbysChickenSoup.com

Keep sending in your update stories!

2006-07-26T13:48:00.000-04:00

Hi Bubby,

I'm a mother of a 3 year old son. I just started calling him bubby because I usually hear it referred to as a brother, a bubby.

My mother-in-law said that she heard Fran Dresser on the TV show "The Nanny" call her aunt a bubby. So we were wondering... what is the real meaning for the word or name, "Bubby"?

Thanks,
Inquiring Reader

From the granddaughters:

We've been asked this question a few times. Recently we learned there is a movie called, Bad Boy, Bubby, but that has nothing to do with us.

There's even a "singing Bubby" who will come to your house and perform a Jewish-grandmother-esque telegram. But that's not our Bubby.

One of the more famous "Bubby's" is a restaurant in NYC, called... you guessed it... Bubby's. Hey, they should give us a discount.

And yes, you are right. There are times when the name Bubby is as a term of endearment for a brother.

But in our case, Bubby is the classic name for Grandmother, in Yiddish. We've been calling our grandmother "Bubby" since the beginning. Many Jewish families do this, though they spell it in a variey of ways: Bubbie or Bubbe.

A year ago in June, another woman sent us the same question, and Bubby responded. We're reposting that below for your enjoyment:

Dear Bubby,

I am the mother to a 3 month old daughter that I have started to call Bubby because it sort of sounds like Baby. My mother heard me calling my daughter this and said that it means grandma. Is this true? Should I not call my little baby Bubby? Where does this term come from?

From,
A New Mommy to a little Bubby

Dear New Mommy to a new Bubby,

I think calling your baby Bubby is very cute. The name does mean Grandmother in Yiddish and you can call your baby anything you like.

I know of a case where a family lived in a neighborhood where the people could not pronounce the child's name. So they called her Honey. And forever after everyone called the little girl "Honey". And Honey was Honey to everyone. She was my sister and a beautiful person.

2006-07-24T21:02:00.000-04:00

Reader Update!
On April 17th of this year, we received a letter from a young woman in a long-distance relationship. She and her boyfriend had been together since high school, and planned to marry after college.

But her question to Bubby was about how their time should be spent *during* college. How could they continue to talk daily without interfering with their studies? And if he transferred to her college, should they get an apartment together, or check out the dorms?

Sweetly, she assured Bubby not to feel pressured to answer her question. She wrote, "I just think you are a very wise lady and think your input could be valuable."

Bubby, of course, was not shy about sharing her opinion on the matter, especially since she has so much experience with long-distance love.

She advised our young writer, "I think that the best that the two of you can do is concentrate on your school work." As Bubby often tells young people in love who write to her, she concluded, "Don't tie yourself down... Wait and see what both of you will do at the time you are a little older."

So a few months have passed, and a new school year is almost about to start. And we want to know... Who's the new roommate??

Hello again Bubby,

I thought I would just give you a short update on my life. I wrote to you in April asking you about how to handle college living arrangements with my boyfriend. Well, he did get into the college I attend, and we will both be in dorm rooms. I don't know exactly where he will be, but I am happy because we will be able to see each other when we can, but we will still have our own space when we need to study and be alone.

I think you are right when you tell many of us young ones thinking about love to hold on, because we've got plenty of time. I know I'm not ready to get an apartment with anyone!

Thanks so much for your sound advice!
Long-distance love

2006-07-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I've been dating a guy for almost 3 years and we've talked a lot about marriage and being together forever. Just recently he graduated from college and is moving 3,000 miles away to spend some time with his parents and decide what he wants to do with his life. I've always been supportive of him and we've both always been faithful to one another so I knew I could trust him going away.

Suddenly as the end of the school year neared he started spending very little, if any, time with me. I allowed this because I knew he was just hanging out with friends he may never see again.

Now just 2 days after his graduation he broke up with me leaving me completely broken hearted. To me it came from no where. He told me that this just isn't what he wants in his life right now, but he really thinks that going home with his family and finding himself again will bring him back to me.

I'm lost without him, confused as to what happened, and really not sure what to do next. What confuses me the most is that he's JUST met this new girl who will be helping him drive home. I KNOW they haven't known each other for more than 2 weeks tops.

He really is a great guy, but he hasn't been himself lately. He says it has a lot to do with the stress of starting his life and career. What do I do now and what would I do IF he does come back?

From,
Heart broken and confused

Dear Heart broken and confused,

I think the best thing you can do for now is start to forget about this guy. I think he went home because he was thinking of breaking up with you and the best place to go was home. There he can ask his parents what to do and they can help him. Maybe his father has connections and they can help him make a decision. So the best thing you can do is forget him. There are many fish in the sea - so you can go fishing.

Apply yourself to what you want to do most now that he is gone. If you are in school, attack your school work. If you are looking or have looked for a job, attack it in earnest. Don't think about this fellow. I think he was looking for a good reason to break up with you.

So consider part of the learning and go on to the next project. You are young and will someday have a daughter and tell her this story and you will both have a good laugh.

2006-07-14T18:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

As a Jewish grandma living in this 21st century, I assume you've got an opinion on this matter: Online dating.

The computer is our modern-day matchmaker, our virtual shiduch - and one would think this would be a blessing! But I hate it! The men that contact me have been such shlubs. I thought the city would have better options than this, but it seems men are as unreliable online as they are if you meet them in bar.

Sometimes I agree to "meet for coffee" - and when I meet them in person, they are a lot shorter and balder and fatter than they claim to be online. Although who knows, maybe the girls are lying a bit too.

I'm just frustrated with the whole process, and I'm thinking about quitting and hoping that I just meet someone the old fashioned way.

So what does a modern grandmother like yourself think of Jdate online dating?

A mitzvah, or a mess?

From,
Single in the City

Dear Single in the City,

I can understand your frustrations with this Jdating. I won't condemn it, but it is like buying a piece of candy to see what the prize inside is.

I know several girls who have dated men from the jdate -- some good, some bad. I have a grand nephew who did and met a wonderful girl and after dating a while they were married. I met the girl several times and she is lovely, will educated, wonderful family - and my grand nephew is also well educated - has been all over the world --- written about his travels - great job - they make a beautiful couple and both have loving families. They were just married a few months ago.

But this dating is hit or miss. But nothing ventured - nothing gained. I know another case where all was well but the guy - after a long time, decided he is not ready for marriage.

Of course, it is desirable if you met through friends of yours or family. I set my grandson up with a friend of a friend. To make a long story short, they now have three little girls.

It is also a good idea if you took some courses or joined some organizations. You will meet people.

The old story -- seek and you shall find. I hope you do find and will be successful and happy...

Best wishes,

2006-07-10T17:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I'm 13 years old and I think I love a guy. I know it's not just a crush, and I know it's not just 'puppy love'. I know and love almost everything about him. He is too good to be true. He knows that I like him, but he doesn't know how much. But he does know that I will always be there for him, and that I would die for him.

There's one problem, the only thing I don't like about him: He is 14, but not yet interested in dating. He has friends who are girls, but he would never ask one out. There are girls all over him, even the popular, geeky, pretty, slutty, dorky, flirty, and funny girls. None of them appeal to him. No, he's not gay or anything. But it just aggravates me so much that he can't open up his eyes and realize how much I -or the other girls- care about him.

I have no idea what to do. I love him more than anything in this world. I know you are probably going to tell me that I'm so young that it can't be love. Even if it isn't true love, it's pretty close.

If I had one wish, it would be either:

1. I wish he would really like, maybe love, me.
...OR
2. I wish he were never born, so I wouldn't have to feel this way.

I know both of those are impossible to come true , but it's just with a wish. I care about him so much. I am incredibly nice to him. I try to look my best when I'm around him. I try to act like I'm fun to be with. But at the same time, I'm trying to stay true to myself.

What would happen if I ran away and never returned, would he care? What would happen if I didn't show up to school one day, would he notice? What if I kissed him right in front of everyone, would he kiss me back or slap me and call me a freak? What if I told him how I really felt, would he believe me? If he knew how much I love him, would he even care? Would it even change his life? Have I even made the slightest impact on him? Does he even like me as a friend? If I died, would he even cry? I have answered all of those in different perspectives.

Should I try to get over him? Because if that's it, I can't. It's seriously impossible. Should I try to ask him out and see what he will say? I am really shy, and I don't think that I could get the words to come out of my mouth. I just couldn't do it.

Please help me, Bubby. You're my only hope.

Little Girl In Love

Dear Little Girl In Love,

I think you should hang this request on the wall in your bedroom so that you can laugh at it. Maybe even tomorrow.

I am sure that this boy is far more interested in ball games --- to watch and to discuss them with his friends. Girls do mature before boys so it is very natural to ignore girls.

I hope that when you reach maturity you will laugh at your feelings today. Join your girl friends and have some fun. You will meet many boys as you grow up. Either this one will come back or maybe as you grow older you will laugh at yourself.

Happy Hunting,

2006-07-09T12:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 14 years old. I do well in school, have lots of great friends, and my family is well off. But I don’t think I could be more unhappy. My mom is always telling me that I am inconsiderate, mean, self-centered, and so on. My brother calls me names I can’t repeat. My father isn’t nearly as bad, but he puts an intense amount of stress on me to do well in school so that I’ll be a doctor. He tells me that my best just isn’t good enough.

All I really want is them to love me. I got kicked out of my carpool because I am kind of forgetful. It was very hard for me to keep track of who was driving what days. On two occasions I got mixed up and they got angry. They yelled at me and my mom. She yelled at me. My dad yelled at me. Now I have to stay after school for several hours till my parents can get me.

It makes me sad. I really want my parents to hug me and tell me they love me.

One of my female teachers was really nice to me. She told me I was smart. She told me she enjoyed reading the essays I wrote. She treated me like I was worth something. It made me so sad that she was not my mother. She hugged me once after I came back to school from a long term illness. I almost cried.

Bubby, what do I do? I’ve been trying my best to be a good child, to not disappoint them.

Sincerely,
Sad and Confused

Dear Sad and Confused,

I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble, and I will make some suggestions.

First, I think you should ask your parents to sit down and have a talk with you. Tell them how you feel. That all this criticism is making you sick and even worse. I am sure your family wants only the best for you, but they are going about it the wrong way.

As for your brother, he should mind his own business and not complain about you. I think that it would be a good and healthly idea if you spoke to your teacher and told her about this. Ask her if she would visit with your parents and talk to them. This situation has happened in many families and it is not new to your teacher.

Clearing the air now is more important than "sweeping it under the rug", so to speak. At your age you should not have these problems.

Give my suggestions a try and please let me know how it came out.

Best of luck,

2006-07-08T02:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 13 and I like a girl. I have known her since I was little. She moved away to another state 2 years ago, but just moved back 3 weeks ago. I invited her to my house and we went to the movies. After the movies we went swimming in a pool and two of my friends came along. Later, she started flirting with my good friend and they exchanged phone numbers.

My feeling are hurt and I feel very mad at my friend. I think the girl started it, but I still think I am madder at my guy friend. I don't like to feel like this. Why would my friend do this? I would not do this to my friend because you have be loyal to them.

How do I make it stop hurting me?

Thank you for helping,
Hurt Boy

Dear Hurt Boy,

You will find many things during your life that will be upsetting so don't let this thing bother you. I think you should talk to your friend and tell him how you feel about this girl. He will then know and will not make any advances towards her. Besides, at your age, don't worry, another girl will come along and you may like her much better than this one.

By the time you are grown you will have met many girls and will compare them to the ones before. You really may fall in love and marry one of them. So just be friendly to this one and to your boy friend. Your friendship with the boy may last a life time -- long after you are grown and this girl will just be a memory.

So enjoy your youth - at your age I think you will be in and out of love with a lot of girls.

Be happy.

2006-07-06T16:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

My husband comes from a large family. I tried for 10 years to fit in with them, but my feelings have been hurt so many times.

For example, at Christmas time, my boys (ages 21 and 17) have never gotten a present from their Godparents.

My husband has 11 siblings and they always forget to invite us to their BBQ's. When we go to the club house they will take all the kids on boat rides but not my children. They say they are too tired or out of gas. The list goes on and on. TMy husband can ignore it but I just can't seem to forget it.

Just yesterday, the whole family went to a baseball game. We were asked to join them, but they only gave us 5 minutes notice to decide and we didn't have our calendar with us.

For years I thought that I was such a terrible person. I spent years trying to fit in with my husband's family and never went out looking for other friends. But I have gotten some new friends, and they insist that I am a fun and good person, but I don't fit in with my husband's family clique and it has nothing to do with me.

Sorry for such a long letter but this hurts. Am I such a bad person for not wanting to go out with my husband's family again?

I also forgot to mention that my husband has been activated through the army reserve for 3 years. He comes in for a visit every 2 months.

Help please,
Uncliqued Mom

Dear Uncliqued Mom,

I can understand how you feel about your in-laws but forget it. Your husband loves you and you have a happy life together - that is all that matters.

You can't like or love everyone so just be civil and friendly. You can't let such things worry you. You have a life to live so live it.

2006-07-05T14:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I was supposed to be married in May of this year. In the months leading up to the wedding my fiancé seemed quiet and withdrawn. He finally told me that he didn’t know if he wanted to get married and he broke off our engagement and ended the relationship in April.

This is the second time this has happened with him. We were originally supposed to get married in 2005, but he called it off then too. We had no contact for 6 months, until he came back saying he had made a mistake and asked me to marry him again. After a few happy months together I could sense that he was beginning to feel differently again, and then he broke up with me.

I call him occasionally, but he rarely calls me. I’ve told him that I still love him and would very much like to try to make the relationship work. I’ve never really understood what caused him to break things off. When we do talk he is distant and tells me that he doesn't know if he wants to try again, but he does say that he still loves me. I have asked whether he sees us together in the future and he says he doesn’t know.

My question, Bubby, is what should I do? Logic tells me that I should break off all contact, but I just miss him so much. I have cried so much over this. Should I give up trying to keep friendly contact with him in the hope that he comes back? If I do this, how can I get over him?

I am 29 years old and I really thought that he was "the one" – please help me, Bubby.

With thanks,
Heart-broken all over again.

Dear Heart-Broken,

I am sorry that you waited so long for this immature fellow to break your heart. But now that he did I recommend you forget him and if he calls just tell him the party is over.

At 29 it is time to get on with your life and be well rid of this person. There are many fish in the sea and I am sure there is one who is looking for you.

It's a shame that this person wasted so much of your time and you let him. Close this chapter and get along with your life and say good riddance. Life with this person will never happen.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

2006-07-03T13:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

HELP! I really like this boy, but my best friend likes him, too. He gave both of us valentines. Mine said, "Be mine", and hers said, "You are a pal!"

How do I read this? If I go out with him, will she get really mad? Should I just go for it and think, "Finders keepers, losers weepers"?

HELP, BUBBY!

From,
The Finder

Dear Finder,

I think that this note was sent from a boy who does not want to hurt either of you girls. So he has chosen to write to you not knowing how to say what he thinks. He is just growing up.

If I were you I would just accept him as a friend to both of you girls and let it go at that.

I think he has to grow up first. He is too immature. Enjoy just being young and having fun.

2006-06-29T12:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I just became a new grandmother. I've never loved like this before. My baby granddaughter is the only little girl born on either side of our family.

This little girl has my heart. This has brought new life into our hearts, and new ambitions also.

All grandmothers must surely understand this... Do you?

From,
A New Bubby

Dear New Bubby,

You have a right to be so happy. I remember when my first grandchild was born. It seemed that he was the only grandchild in the world - the first on both sides. He grew up to be a fine man and has three little girls of his own. He is a wonderful father and I can only wish you the same good fortune he has - a beautiful wife, wonderful healthy children and a good job.

Much love and happiness to the new offspring and to your whole family.

2006-06-28T12:50:00.000-04:00

Exciting News!
Bubby was mentioned in the July/August issue of the AARP Magazine ("The World's Largest Circulation Magazine"). You can also read it online here.

Good morning Bubby,

I had a deep discussion with my fiance about planning for our marriage in the near future. Originally the date had been set for June 2nd 2007, but we postponed it for many reasons. He requested that I do not bring up that "marriage" topic until he is ready. In my opinion, he should not have proposed to me if he had no intentions of marrying me; however he insisted that he does wants to, but not this year or next year, and has no set dates... not even an estimate of how many years. Mind you, I have been honest about what I desire in life before we pursued this relationship further, and he accepted it.

Now this had driven me further from him and built this wall of protection between us. We have fun together and communicate well with each other. This is the man I want to marry and he told me that he wants to have a life with me, but not marriage at this point. It seems like a contradiction in my view, but he saw marriage as pressure. We live together, and I have expressed my concerns that he is becoming too comfortable with idea of us living together (why buy a cow when you have milk for free?)

How can I communicate to him how I truly feel without him getting defensive? I even brought up the topic of me living on my own, but he saw that as a threat whereas I saw it as opportunity to either want it or discard it.

Anything from you will help...

Thank you,
Lost In Love

Dear Lost In Love,

I think that this guy likes getting his milk for nothing. I think that as long as he's getting what he wants, why should he take on the responsibility that something like that would really entail?

I don't see any future with him. I think you should drop him, or find a way to make him jealous. I think he's just having a good time, getting what he wants, and has no intention of marrying. It has nothing to with finances.

I think you are young and vibrant and at the age when you should be having a better commitment and looking forward to marriage. And when he keeps putting it off, he's getting what he wants without being married.

I think you should find another young man. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You're attractive and you can certainly find one.

Let me know how it works out!

2006-06-27T14:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 12 years old and I am in the sixth grade. There are two sixth grade classes. I am in one and a girl I really like is in the other. I've liked this girl for about 6 months now, but I am not sure if she likes me.

At first I knew that she liked me because her friend told me that she did, and she was standing behind her friend, all shaky and nervous. Also she has given me a few things (indirectly) that also made me think that she did like me. For example, I got a card from her that said, "Do you want to be my valentine?"

The bad thing is that, some people, including my friends, think that this is a fib. But I don't believe them. Also, she has been acting kind of mean to me, while her face turns kind of red.

Does my crush have a crush on me too, or is it a fib? I need to know!!!

From,
Nervous Boy

Dear Nervous Boy,

Well, 12 years old and in the sixth grade? I think you may have a crush on her, and you may not have a crush on her. I think you should strike up a conversation with her at recess and invite her to have ice cream or a soda with you and that will break the ice. She can't invite you, but you can certainly invite her. And then you will know if she likes you and you will know if she's really the girl you want to be friends with.

At 12 years old, there will be plenty of other girls before you are eligible for marriage. How will a person know if someone else cares, unless there is some sign for caring? Invite her out for candy or soda. But you should approach her. Take the initiative if you would like to be friendly with her.

Say, "Would you like to join me?" and you can get to know one another. Maybe you'll take her out and you'll decide you don't like her at all. One never knows.

Good luck, and let me know it turns out,

2006-06-24T18:40:00.000-04:00

Bubby,

Please settle an argument.

A distant relative of my wife's is getting married and they sent us an invitation. We are not attending this cross-country event but my wife feels we should send a gift. I don't think we should because we never talk to this distant relative (not since they were kids) and we didn't send our wedding invitation to them. They didn't even know where we live. They got our address from my in-laws.

I feel they are sending out as many invitations as possible to receive as many gifts as possible. Should we send a gift to this relative we barely know and probably will never see again?

From,
Unwanted Invite

Dear Unwanted Invite,

I can understand that and I can sympathize with you. But every invitation requires an answer in one kind or another. And this is an invitation to a wedding. So you should send something.

I think that it might be a good idea if you sent some little thing that could be used in the kitchen, or maybe an ashtray, although nobody smokes anymore. Some little thing that is inexpensive but is a nice way of saying, thanks for inviting us.

And it's true, people who are getting married do scrape the bottom of the barrel to invite people, whether you are coming or not. If you are coming, they are very happy to see you.

We once had a comedy record we would listen to called, "Levinsky At The Wedding". There was a joke that went like this: "Your presence is not required, but please send a present."

[Granddaughter's Note: Click here to listen to the actual Levinsky joke that Bubby is referencing]

2006-06-21T16:17:00.000-04:00

Update

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting. Bubby's on a little R&R right now, but she will be back very soon and we will continue to post her advice to you. We've been getting some great new letters from people around the world, and every single one of them is being read. Check back soon for Bubby's responses.

In the meantime, we thought we'd share another update. This one goes way back again, almost a year to the date: June 24, 2005. We posted a letter from Waiting, a young man who recently graduated from art school. Horrors of horrors, he had to move back in with his parents in order to save some money. But aside from his financial woes, this young artist was stuck in a series of "soul-crushing, pointless, mind-dulling odd jobs" and was looking for a way out. His simple question to Bubby was, "What now?"

Ripe with wisdom, Bubby sympathized with this young man. "My, my, you surely had a rough time," she wrote. She advised him to sign up with a professional agency in his field, talk to his old college advisor, and to check the Times everyday for new firms that are hiring. She encouraged, "Keep at it. Those who seek are sure to find."

But wait, the story continues... A few months after that, we decided to help this young artist out once again, and published a link to his new portfolio on Bubby's blog.

Well, it's now one year later, and we received a new letter from our Artist-In-Waiting once again. Aren't you curious to know: Is "Waiting" still in the wings, or is he soaring through to his dreams?

Hi Bubby!

What ever happened to me? Geez, I ask myself that all the time. But you mean in regards to my letter? Got it, okay...

Well, nothing has changed dramatically for me. There's my website, www.stevenphillips.org. I'm getting a little bit of illustration work here and there. Currently I'm freelancing for a crafts design company and I started a little work with a small comics publishing company.

I've managed to save up some money and I'm thinking of moving away from home back to the town where I attended school. I never took the time to travel before or after college, so I think I owe myself that.

Right now (as in, while-I'm-typing-this) I'm try to find a publisher for a fantasy novel I've written. Also in the planning stages is a book of fairy tales I might write and illustrate.

So, I guess the theme here is that I'm sowing my oats like crazy, but I haven't a clue what I'm going to reap.

Never really thought this many people would take an interest in my sob story. Got some positive and negative reaction from my letter, but it was all constructive.

Anyway, thanks for the unexpected help, folks. I suppose the rest is up to me now (he said fearfully).

Cheers and Regards,
Once Waiting

Closing Note:
If you would like to see your update story posted here, please send Bubby an email today!

2006-06-03T14:57:00.000-04:00

Reader Update

We're going way, way... way back for this update.

On July 13th (2004!) - we posted a letter from a 20-year old woman named, Bewildered Friend. At the time she wrote, she was in college and having trouble keeping in touch with her best friend who was still living in their hometown. Then one day she got an email from her friend, announcing she had gotten married. At first Bewildered was hurt not to be invited, but then she got a second email a few weeks later announcing that her friend was pregnant. She wrote to Bubby, "Now I'm just worried about my friend. She dropped out of school to support her new husband, who she's known 8 months." Could Bubby offer a few words to make her feel better?

Well, Bubby certainly could. Point blank, she told Bewildered, "Well, we know what is wrong with her and that is why you were not invited to her wedding." And then she offered an adage that her own mother had given her: "The baby came on time but the wedding was a little late."

Bubby went on to advise that she should not treat her friend as an outcast. She assured her that the young couple could learn to set up housekeeping, and care for their new little baby. She still had a chance to finish college, if she could get the help from her own mother.

Bubby concluded optimistically, "She is adrift now but it's not the end of the world. Cheer her up and ask her to keep in touch with you."

So what's the update? Well, as we were going through our inbox (filled with hundreds and hundreds of letter) we came across Bewildered's update (which we admit she sent last summer). We knew we had to share. So... is Bewildered's best friend still adrift, or has she found her way home?

Dear Bubby,

I don't have an exciting follow-up at all. It's sort of sad and anti-climactic. A few weeks after I wrote, my friend emailed me again to tell me that she'd lost her baby.

We exchanged a few more emails and I think she was handling it okay--of course she was upset, but I think she was working through it. I haven't heard from her since then.

She quit the job and I don't know her new address. I've asked my mother to talk to her mother (since they're friends) about getting me contact information, but I haven't found anything. I've even scoured the internet, but she was never very computer-savvy, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't find any activity from her.

I miss her a lot, and I wish I knew how she is doing, if she's okay, and if her husband is treating her well.

From,
Still a Bit Bewildered

If any of our readers knows what it feels like to miss a close friend, please post your thoughts to Bewildered in the "opinion" space below.

2006-05-25T21:42:00.000-04:00

Reader Update!

On August 22, 2005, we posted a letter from a woman we called "Looking for Home." She was due to have her first baby in 6 weeks, but was saddened by the absence of her husband. As a non-citizen, he was having trouble coming back to the United States from Egypt, his native home. Our writer was tearfully awaiting the day when her whole family would be together again in the States. She wrote, "I can't enjoy anything while knowing my husband is not by my side sharing it with me. How can I cope with this life?"

Bubby was aghast when she heard the news. She advised our writer to contact an immigration lawyer immediately. Bubby stressed, "I realize that it is a heartache for both of you to be separate at this time and a baby on the way... so don't waste the time!"

Now this was an update we were eager to follow up on! We finally heard from Looking for Home again, and are pleased to post her new letter:

Hi Bubby,

I just wanted to let you know that my husband has returned to the United States and is now back with me and our 8 month old son. I wrote to you months ago, when the chances of my husband coming home (after being deported) looked bleak. I am so happy to say that, after three years, all of our hard work and patience finally paid off.

My family is whole again and I will forever be grateful.

Sincerely,
Home Again

What wonderful news!

2006-05-22T21:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I have a big big problem.

I go to school and at the start of the 1st year everything was OK. I made a best friend. But then in the 2nd year she fell out with me and has now got everyone in my class to hate me. They bully me all the time and she even has bad stuff on her website about me.

I cry ever morning when I have to go to this school. And I have told my dad. He told the head teacher but still nothing has happened.

Please help!!

From,
sad 13 year old girl

Dear sad 13 year old girl,

I know just how you feel. If this "out girl friend" is saying bad things about you, why don't you talk it over with her and find out what she has against you and try to straighten it all out.

If she tells lies about you, ask your father to speak to her father to stop these untruths. This is a free country and we all speak out for our rights. I am sure the girl's father knows nothing of what is going on. And I am just as sure that the two fathers can straighten things out. They might even ask the two of you to be present.

Try it. If it does not work out - forget about her and find new friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Good Luck,

2006-05-19T19:37:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

My daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby and my daughter is 41. His mother is insisting that she and her husband come to help. And they are planning on coming the same time I am coming, and for just as long!

I am upset. I wanted that time with my daughter and don't want to share.

Am I wrong?
New Grandma

Dear New Grandma,

Congratulations! I hope that all goes well for your daughter and the new arrival.

As to your visiting time. From your letter it seems that your time is your own - no outside obligations. So why don't you toss a coin? If not, you might say that since it is your daughter who will have the pain, you should be with her.

Your son-in-law should explain that to his parents and they should understand. In a very short time they will get their chance. If you all live in the same city, that is just a matter of hours.

The baby will grow up loving both grandmas.

Happy Family,

2006-05-16T23:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

My husband and I disagree on something and I want to know what you think.

My mother-in-law has a long history of many problems. She recently came to visit us and her mental and physical state just keeps getting worse. She is very stressed over a boyfriend that is cheating on her, she doesn't eat, drinks and smokes too much, is in financial ruin, and is obviously very depressed (she is in her early-mid 40's).

My husband is very non-confrontational and has never addressed these problems with her (though she has mentioned them to me). He feels that there is nothing he can do, so there is no point in meddling.

I mostly agree with this, but I feel that as a loving son, he should at least ask her how she is doing, acknowledge that he sees her deteriorating, tell her that he is worried about her, and encourage her to seek professional help.

I have done these things, but I feel like it will mean more coming from him.

He is very worried about his mother and has considered writing her a letter, but I know he will do nothing if I don't encourage him.

Am I doing the right thing? Can a difference be made, or am I just meddling and should mind my own business?

Concerned & Frustrated

Dear Concerned & Frustrated,

You are on the right track about your mother-in-law and I am surprised that your husband is so negligent. I feel sure that his mother was a good and thoughtful care taker over him as a child and now he should be returning that care to her and show that he is a good son.

He can suggest that she should join some organization where she will meet all kinds of people -- some will be her type and she can build new friendships. She is at a very good age -- how about a job in a big firm - she will meet many people.

Suggest she should get new clothes and change her make-up and get out among people. She will find that everyone has some type of worries and they all talk about them.

Your husband might visit her alone so that the conversation will be one on one - they may laugh or "cry" but there is nothing like talking things over. Then go for coffee.

Her age of 40+ is just a beginning if she lets it happen.

GOOD LUCK,

2006-05-15T18:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I have a problem. I just turned 19 and have a fiance but I need a job. I can't drive because I always get into accidents. I'm just not able to concentrate on more than one thing on the road and on top of that, I'm afraid to drive.

Also I want to work but I don't want a job at a grocery store or a fast food restaurant. What can I do? I need to support my soon-to-be wife and myself but my worst fear is driving and I don't like working in a place with lots of people.

Steering Dilemma

Dear Steering Dilemma,

I am thinking that at 19 you must have must graduated from high school or are about to. You should not be thinking about marriage and all the problems it brings before you are fully grown. You should try to get in to a school where you will learn some profession.

If you don't want to go to college, choose something else - an electrician or be a plumber, etc. These are valuable professions - you can take a Civil Service exam and get into a government job and work your way up. I'm certain there are many more areas.

After you learn whatever you choose and you get older, there will be plenty of time to settle down. Find a future, learn it, and then think of marriage.

Good Luck,

2006-05-12T21:29:00.000-04:00

Hello Bubby,

I am a 12 year old girl in New Orleans, LA. I have started a new school, since my other one was knocked away by Katrina.

I like this boy at school, and all the girls suspect it. I don't know if he knows, or if he likes me back. I don't know what to do. I don't want to embarrass myself by telling him if he doesn't like me back. He seems to like me just as a friend, so I act the same way towards him.

I'm not known to hang out with the girls. I am always hanging out with the guys, popular and not. I hate being the tomboy at school, but it's the only way I think I will get any friends!

Help me with my crush!

Love,
DiamondGirl

Dear DiamondGirl,

At 12-years old you should be enjoying the friendship of a lot of girls and boys so concentrate on that and your school work. The crush that you have on this boy is called "puppy love" and next year you may have another crush on another boy. And when you grow up and think about these boys you may think to yourself how silly you were.

Your education should be on your mind now. This boy that you have a crush on now probably is more interested in his boy friends and their games - baseball, football, not you. He may think that you are being pesty.

Wait until you grow up.

2006-05-10T21:55:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

Me and my fiance have been together for about 2 and a half years now. He's a great guy. Good. Kind. Fun. A good potential husband and father. But something just doesn't feel right. I feel we're not right for each other. When I think about it, he's not really my "type" per say. He gets me expensive gifts but I've never cared for those things. I've always been the down-to-earth type of girl who ridicules girls that always just care about their looks and what label's on their bag.

When I put effort in anniversaries and our wedding to make it more "meaningful" rather than "valuable" he just doesn't get it. His materialism keeps him blocked and it's so much easier for him to just get me something expensive rather than put the effort into being romantic or making every moment special.

I've been having so many doubts and I don't know what to do. I'm depressed half the time, which really doesn't make sense because I'm always such a cheery person. People have always known me to be positive, and I don't like the negative effect this relationship is having on me.

What should I do?
--Ms. Meaningful

Dear Ms. Meaningful,

It seems to me that you must tell this young man about all the things the other girls get and subconsciously let him know what you would like so he buys the same things for you.

At the same time, you are not so sure about your feelings for him. Why don't you stop seeing him for a while, meet other young men and evaluate him. Then again, he may really enjoy giving you the expensive gifts to show he cares for you.

Have a heart to heart talk with him and really get to know him. You may change your mind about your feelings.

You are not ready for this relationship.

2006-05-09T14:21:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I have read your advices for others and seen how excellent they were. Now I have a problem of my own and would be happy to receive some unbiased advice from you.

I am a 24-yr old girl and I have been in love with this guy for the last 5 years. He went abroad for his higher studies and we have had a long-distance relationship for the last 4 years. My parents were supportive and I always thought that he would be the one whom I would be marrying. But now his mom is really against us getting married and she has also been rude to me. My boyfriend can't get his parents consent to ask me to marry him, and that has irritated my parents because we have been waiting for so long.

I sometimes feel he is taking advantage of me and he always keeps postponing his trips home. Now my parents have asked me to forget him and they are looking out for someone else. When I told him this he wants me to wait for a couple more months.

So please tell me - can I wait for someone like this? Can I be sure that he would convince his parents and also be by my side in the future?

Please advise me...as this is such an important step in my life.

Thanks,
Love Struck

Dear Love Struck,

You have wasted a LOT of time with this young man. Forget him. If you ever married him you would live in a battle field all the time. He is very close to his family and they think for him and you are not in the picture. At 24, you and your family should understand that.

If you were my daughter in such circumstances, I would never permit you to marry in such a family. I suggest you get out and meet other men. When you marry, you marry forever.

I am sure you will find the right person -- not this "mommy's boy."

Happy Hunting,

2006-05-09T14:09:00.000-04:00

Another funny joke was sent to us by Bubby's brother-in-law:

President Bush calls in the Head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?"

The CIA chief says, "The Jews have this expression:'Vus titzuch?'"

The President says, "Hell, what's that mean?"

"Well, Mr. President," replies the CIA chief, "It's a Yiddish expression which roughly translates to "what's happening". They just ask each other and they know everything."

The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat) and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car, and dropped off in Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhood.

Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, "Vus titzuch?"

The old guy whispers back: "Bush is in Brooklyn."

2006-05-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

Hello Bubby,

I'm not sure how I came to be here, but here I am. I'll get to the point.

My wife died in January. All I can say is, even though I know she is in heaven, it really sucks. And here I sit, a 44 year old grown man, with tears rolling down his face, typing an email to you, a complete stranger, and for the whole world to read.

I have 2 kids, nine and twelve, and I cannot understand, if God doesn't make mistakes, and if He has a plan for each of us, and if that plan is good, why we are here eating a huge crap sandwich? I am so lonely I can almost taste it. I feel like the wake of a ship; all my hopes, dreams, and desires trailing behind me, never to return.

I cannot even fathom how my children must feel. She didn't want me to be mad at God, and I'm not, but He and I weren't on the same page with this. She was in the choir at church and I can barely make it through Mass without losing my composure. I cannot bring myself to delete her number from my cell phone, or throw away scraps of paper she wrote notes on. I get sad when I see old people together.

So, I figure you have visited your share of grief. What do you think?

Sad Dad

Dear Sad Dad,

I know just how you feel because I have been in the same boat. For some time I could do nothing but feel sorry for myself. But you are here and you have a responsibility to two children who lost their mother and now you must take the place of Mother and Father.

After a period of mourning, you must put your feelings in your back pocket and be a father to your children. I am sure they have feelings too. You can talk to them - help them grow up - I am sure they have feelings too and problems. You can talk to them about their mother so she will be there in all your hearts and you will feel she is with you.

And you must find something to keep all of you busy - for the children. You don't tell me their ages but either they are in school or are working. Interest yourself in their lives. You can join an organization for singles where you can talk about your loss and after a while you will accept that G-- must have a plan for taking your loved one away.

Time passes, you do not forget your former life - you may find yourself talking to your wife without answers but you will feel better. Remember the wound heals but the scars remain and life goes on.

I know I'm here and you will be too. Be a good loving father.

Have courage and smile,

2006-05-05T19:38:00.000-04:00

HELP, BUBBY!

Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend? I haven't talked to him in 3 days STRAIGHT but I've called him about 10 times. He usually calls me at the same time once a night and we usually are together about every other day, but he hasn't called or planned anything for 3 nights now.

I'm frantic, wondering where he is and what he has been up to. Should I keep trying to get a hold of him or should I just give up altogether? I really love him and care about him, but he obviously doesn't care as much about me as I thought he did.

WHAT SHOULD I DO???
--Frantic

Dear Frantic,

I think you should stop calling this boy. By not returning your calls he is telling that he does not want to continue this relationship any longer. There are plenty of fish in the sea so forget about him and meet other boys. If he wants to see you again after sometime, just be friendly so-so.

You are young with plenty of time for continuing relationships.

Have Fun.

2006-05-03T18:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

Ever since I found your site, I keep thinking of new things I'd like to ask.

I am turning 29 this year and have started to think about whether or not I should have kids. I've been happily married for 3 years and both of us are professionals. I know that no one can tell you whether to have kids or not, but I feel like people spend more thought buying a car or house, than they do about whether or not to have kids.

I would really like to discuss the pros and cons with someone who has kids, but I feel that this is a taboo or inappropriate subject. We currently have a wonderful, carefree life (I have no voids that need filling). I tend to think that having kids would be more work than fun, but I wonder if there is some really enjoyable aspects that make people do it (that make it actually worth the loss of time, money, and sanity).

Of course, I am well aware that most people have kids by accident, or for very stupid reasons like saving a marriage or following the herd. What is your take on kids?

Working Girl

Dear Working Girl,

Should you have children or not, is a question only you and your husband must decide. You have answered it yourself already, however you and your husband must make the decision together.

There are sacrifices to be made and there are joys to experience. You cannot have everything. You cannot be selfish - you have to be self-deniable. Your life changes completely when you have children. Having a child in your life and your husband's life will change everything completely and you must adjust.

Talk to your friends and you could discuss it with your doctor. He knows you best besides your husband.

No one, not even me, can say yes or no to you and it is the most important decision you will have to make in your life.

I would like to know your decision.

2006-05-02T19:19:00.000-04:00

Hello Bubby,

I am a 24 year old man from England. I don't know why I'm writing this to you but it seems easier to talk to a machine than real people.

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment. A relationship I have been in for six years is coming to an end and I'm scared about the future. I know I could try and talk my partner into keeping us alive but I know in my heart she isn't in love with me anymore.

I'm scared about going out in to the world alone, I have to rearrange my life to cope on my own and I'm feeling useless. I don't think anyone can help me with this but thanks for listening.

Sad Guy

Dear Sad Guy,

I am sorry to hear that you know that you and your partner's relationship is turning cold. First of all, you do not tell me if the partner is male or female but that does not matter. If the result is negative, just know that all good things end at some time or another.

Say, "SO LONG, GOOD LUCK" and find new friends. It may take some time but you will find many. I hope you do.

Good Luck,

2006-04-30T21:12:00.000-04:00

Hello Bubby,

I am a 35-year old woman, married to my husband for 5 years (we have been together a total of 11 years). I have a 13-year old stepson. We have had a nice relationship for many years.

Lately he doesn't open up to me and lies a lot. I am very connected with his teachers and have an open conversation with his mother. He is failing everything in school and has basically given up. We have exhausted all resources. We ground him, take things away (games, computer, TV), we even sent him to military camp last summer ($3,000.00 wasted).

We told him he could not go on his class trip if he failed this semester. He didn't even try, so we cancelled his seat on the plane. His mother is going to take him to a psychologist.

I am just beside myself and so worried about him, he refuses to do any work. He just gave up on school. He tested gifted and is very intelligent. He doesn't seem to respond to either positive or negative reinforcement.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks, Stepmom

Dear Stepmom,

I can understand your concern about this boy but I think his parents should be most concerned with him and I see that they are. But I would suggest that you take him to lunch or to the park where it is nice and have a talk with him. Find out what he has against you, his parents, and together, come to some understanding.

Perhaps he would prefer to live with his mother? In that case - talk to his parents. He is showing you that he is angry in his situation right now and either you, his parents, or the psychologist will get to the bottom and help all of you with this problem.

The important thing is that you cannot lose this boy.

2006-04-19T21:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I recently received two wedding invitations, and the weddings fall on the same weekend: one Friday and the other Saturday. I am not sure how to handle this since both are cousins of mine from opposing sides of the family.

I asked my mother, and of course, she thinks I should attend her niece's wedding. My father has given me no feedback (my parents are divorced so they will be attending their respective family members wedding).

I don’t want to upset anyone, but I am really unsure how to handle this. I considered trying to attend both but it is not feasible since they are just too far from each other.

Any ideas on how I could handle this situation without making anyone too upset?

-Conflicted Wedding Guest

Dear Conflicted Wedding Guest,

If at all possible, arrange to go to both weddings -- maybe to the ceromony of one and then the reception for the other. I have done that after explaining it to the couples. They can easily understand and will be glad that you can make an appearance.

Or you can go to the one you are closest too and explain to the other and plan to invite them over to your house after their honeymoon.

Try the explaination and see what happens. Which ever way you decided, they are your cousins and you will not lose them.

Happy Weddings,

2006-04-18T21:46:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I've been dating a girl for the last six years. We met freshman year of college, and things have always gone well between us. Our senior year of college we often spoke about spending the rest of our lives together, and when we graduated we decided we would try to make things work between us.

Then she moved to another city for law school and I moved away for a job. Although it has been rough, we managed. I truly feel that she could be the one for me.

Now that she is graduating from law school, we were planning on moving in together. I decided to take our relationship to the next level. I went out and bought a ring and proposed to her.

However, she said she couldn't marry me... because of the ring. She said it was too small, and if that's all she was worth to me, then she didn't want to be with me.

I don't understand it - what does a ring matter? I could afford a larger ring, but I don't see the point. I love her and she loves me, but I can't believe she is going to let this determine the outcome of our relationship.

Have you ever heard of anything like this happening before - any suggestions?

--Diamond Man

Dear Diamond Man,

I can understand how your girl feels. Every girl would like a big ring to show off to her friends and a little diamond will not fill the bill.

If I were you, and you said you could afford a larger ring, and you both love each other, so why don't you exchange the ring?

I know of many young couples who shopped together for the ring and then they come to an understanding about the size. Being in the store and viewing the expense may make your girl see things different. You may find that you will get a little bigger ring and then again you and she will decided to keep the one you bought.

When you talk about the expense of making a home for the two of you and the expense of a wedding, she may feel very different about the size of the ring. I might also add that you can view the ring as an investment. Diamonds increase in value all the time.

If this is the only problem you have, discuss it a little further with your girl. There will be many problems in the future after you are married so start with this little one and good luck.

2006-04-17T21:27:00.000-04:00

Check out more Passover cartoons
by clicking here.

Dear Bubby,

I have been a reader of your blog for several years and really enjoy your advice. You have seen a lot, and you have had a life experience similar to mine, in the case of a long-distance relationships.

I am a freshman in college, majoring in journalism. I enjoy my university very much, and plan to stay there for the duration of my college years. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school, and once we are out of school, we plan to marry.

My senior year in high school, my boyfriend attended a college about 45 minutes away from our hometown, and he came home almost every weekend to see me. I felt very guilty that he spent so much time with me, because he made very few friends at school. I also felt guilty because my father did not permit me to drive to see my boyfriend at school, so my boyfriend was spending gas money and logging the miles.

He hated school and decided to take a semester off. He thought about what he wanted to do with his life and worked a full-time job while he thought about it. While he was taking his break from college, he would often visit me once I started college. He finally decided he would attend a local university and commute from home. We will now be an hour and a half apart.

What do you think is the best way to spend time nurturing our relationship without interfering with our studies? We talk daily already. We love each other very much and it is hard to be apart so much of the time. However, I know that our future is important as well, and it is important for both of us to get good grades.

Also, he is thinking about transferring to my school. What do you think the best living situation would be? We had discussed getting an apartment, but I worry that our families will think it is improper. However, we will be 21 and 20, all "grown up." Maybe we should just request dorm rooms near each other.

Sorry about the terribly question! What do you think would be the best choice for my situation? And please donÂt feel terribly pressured! I just think you are a very wise lady and think your input could be valuable.

Thank you so much, Bubby!
--A Long-Distance Love

Dear A Long-Distance Love,

I think that the best that the two of you can do it concentrate on your school work so that you will get good grades that will look good on your records when you graduate. At that time you will be more mature and will have met other young people. You may change your mind about this young man or he may change his mind. Don't tie yourself down to him alone. Wait and see what both of you will do at the time you are a little older. Your feelings may change by then so be free to decide.

Also I think your father is right when he feels the way he does. Listen to him - he means only he best for you.

Just be a friend to this young man for now.

2006-04-15T23:08:00.000-04:00

A Note From the Granddaughters:

Happy Passover everyone! We hope you enjoyed your seders and that you scored big when you found the afikomen. But if you're already sick of matzah, or need a good laugh to get you through this week-without-bread, then check out these fun Passover cartoons.

We also thought now would be a good time to reminisce about questions past. Here are some letters Bubby's received over the years about Passover:

April 17, 2005: A Bubby's Passover wish for everyone
April 24, 2005: 32 people around the table!
April 25, 2005: Noodle Yummy on Passover?
June 22, 2005: Why 8 days?

More advice to come...

2006-04-11T20:07:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I'm fourteen years old and in the eighth grade. I'm in band, have many wonderful friends, get great grades, and live a wonderful life.

I had a pretty big crush on this boy. He was in many of my classes, rode my school bus, was my very close neighbor, and friend. I think he liked me back too. This was the high point in my tale.

This boy was in sports. One day at a game, there was an accident and he got a concussion. When he didn't show up at school for over two weeks, I got worried. I went to his house to see how he was. I rang the doorbell, and when he came to answer it, he didn't recognize me. He looked at me in a strange way and said, "Who are you?"

This really frightened me. I told him my name, asked if he remembered anything about me, or school. He said that, yes, he remembered his family and a few of his very close friends. But nothing else. I talked to his mother, who told me that he was suffering from huge, irreversible memory loss. At school, he didn't remember his classes, most of his friends, his teachers, etc. He did remember information that he'd learned at school, basic life skills, English, but not people, places, or "classroom rituals."

He'd forgotten me, and I was heartbroken. It was as if I'd lost a piece of me. What made me feel worse was that now that people began taking advantage of the situation. I heard some of the meanest things possible being said to him. People were asking him if he remembered who his girlfriend was (he didn't have one). Then he dropped out of our school.

I have the power to tell him that people were lying to him. Should I? Or should I just let it go? I'd really appreciate some insight on this.

Sincerely,
"Should I, should I not?"

Dear "Should I, should I not?",

I think the best thing you can do is check on this boy from time to time. His mother can tell you how he is improving in regaining his memory. I am sure he must be going through medical care or rehab care and it will take time.

I would recommend you don't make a pest of yourself. Leave him to his professional care and hope that he will eventually regain his memory.

My best to the boy and to you.

2006-04-06T23:23:00.000-04:00

Hello there, Bubby!

Well I was wondering if you can help me. I HAVE GUM STUCK IN MY PANTS!!!

I don't know what to do. Last night I tried to take it off and I managed to take some off, but now it looks like a stain of dudu in my pants. The pants have been in my closet for about 2 1/2 months now. They are so cute and I don't want to get rid of them.

Can you PLEASE HELP ME?!

--GIRL IN NEED OF HELP!!!!!

Dear Girl In Need Of Help,

I think the best thing that you can do is either throw out those pants or if you think it is worth keeping them, take them to the cleaners. They have a lot of ways of getting out the stains of gum from your pants. Then they can get out the dudu stain as well.

If they can't, then just throw out the pants and go buy a new pair. You should have taken care of them at the time the "accident" occurred - it may be too late now. Your cleaner will be the final judge.

[Granddaughter Note: A similar question came to Bubby in November of 2003. Check out her advice from back then for more gummy wisdom.]

Good Luck.

2006-04-05T13:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

OK. So my parents go to work and leave me alone for most of the day. So I usually go to my friend's house. Well, the other day my friend had to leave and I got jealous that she was going somewhere with her family. It made me feel like I had none.

So I called my mom on my cellphone and asked what time she would be back. When she got home, she started on a rampage about how I can't take care of myself and she has friends who have kids that can stay home alone all day. Then she said, "If you're gonna be like this, then you might as well live with your Daddy!"

Am I wrong for wanting a family? Mine is obviously dysfunctional, but am I so wrong for wanting some quality time with my mom? It seems like her job is more important than me and I hate it. She's been horrible to me for the past 2 years.

Plus, my dad hates me, for some reason, and they're going through a divorce. I have no clue if I want to stay with either of them.

What is the legal age to be "separated" from my parents (I forgot the word)? I really want out of this. Neither of them care if I'm happy or not. Just as long as I do my chores and my homework and not bother them.

Help,
13-year old girl

Dear 13-year old girl,

I felt really sorry for you when I read your letter, but look at it this way. This gives you a way to learn to take care of yourself. Has your mother laid down certain rules for you to follow while she is at work? Does she call you during the day to see if you are OK or need anything? Are you not in school while she is at work? That is where you belong. Do you go to the library until she comes home?

Why don't you sit down with your Mom and tell her how you feel. I am sure she works so that she can support both of you. You could try getting a babysitting job after school that would take up your lonely hours and you could have a lot of fun taking care of a neighbor's baby.

Did you ever try to get dinner ready and surprise your Mother? At 13, I think you can do it. Give it a try or do the marketing for her so she can get home earlier.

Try some of these suggestions and let me know how you made out.
Good Luck.

2006-04-03T23:07:00.000-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I'm a 30-year old lady. I am getting married in 3 months time and I'm confused.

How does one get married, and go for a 2-year masters program abroad the next year, and have children and keep a home? I'm so confused I can't think.

Thanks,
Really Confused

Dear Really Confused,

You can do all those things that you plan to do with just a bit of planning. Many girls do. Make yourself a plan and stick to it.

You can get your Masters right here in this country - no need to go abroad. And while you are studying, you and your husband can decided to have or wait to have children. There are many women who decided to become mothers at 33 or even a few years more. And, there are many pregnant women who can handle both a baby and a study program at the same time. You might have to give up some social life but it can be done.

Your husband can help keep your living quarters neat and clean as long as he agrees on your plans.

The important fact is you and your husband must make these plans and in time they will all fall into place and work out.

You'll see.

And then again, many women wait until their children reach school age and then go back to school, and that is OK too. You are never too old to learn. Make your plans with your husband and stick to them.

2006-03-29T16:26:00.000-05:00

Hello Bubby,

I am stuck. I am 24, in a relationship with a man who I know loves me. He has even relocated to be with me from another continent.

Yet because I have trust and insecurity issues, I did something pretty low. I read his e-mails. In one e-mail he had written to an old buddy bragging about all the "hot chicks" at his place of work, describing their bodies and being really rude about it.

I trust that he will not cheat on me, yet it hurts me to read the things he has written. I can't stop thinking about it. When I go to his place of work, I can't help but feel extremely sensitive and irritated.

He knows something is up with me, yet I can't bring myself to tell him I read his e-mails. But this is nagging me to no end.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

From,
Hurt and Torn

Dear Hurt and Torn,

Shame on you for reading mail that is not yours! When you do that, a person never reads anything good about himself or herself. And if you tell him that you read his mail, you will surely lose him in more ways than one.

You will have to figure out how to bring up the subject of spying on mail in an impersonal way and learn how he feels about such a thing. He may mean something by writing these messages to fellow employees, or maybe not.

I have never done such a thing so I really can't advise you except to say, Don't ever do it again - EVER.

You might ask him in conversation how he feels about someone doing such a terrible thing. But to confess is to lose.

2006-03-28T20:23:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

Four years ago I met the woman of my dreams. We seem to have so much in common and we love to be together. She has a smile in her heart. She buys flowers every week and knows how to laugh. I love the complex nature of her soul. In many moments I will feel the lightning bolt course through me and I realize how deeply I love her and how I can not live without her. I am so happy with her, playing tennis, golfing. I would trade a lifetime for one weekend with her; to walk with her and hold her hand. She makes me laugh, cry and smile. I want to just talk with her and to hear about her day.

However, I am married (over 20 years) and have two kids. One just left for college and one is in high school. My wife is wonderful, beautiful, warm, sweet, kind, loyal, helpful. I stayed in the marriage because of the kids. She loves me and I have not treated her fairly.

I have recently moved out and I am trying to figure out what to do. Do I pursue the chance of love with this other woman I've know now for four years, or do I go back and be a good husband and help my kids get through school? What do you think..?

My friends tell me I am nuts to take a chance on this other woman (who has already been married twice) but my heart tells me to take a chance on love. Loving someone and caring means risking it all. Love doesn't give you a choice, it takes your soul. It doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are in love!

What do I do???

From,
Distracted Husband

Dear Distracted Husband,

I think that once you know this young woman in time you will look for another woman. You say nice things about your wife so she must be a very good wife and mother, so why break a home that seems to be going fine?

You are going through a midlife crisis and I am sure it will pass. Many husbands go through it. You will recover. This younger woman does not want an older man - I am sure she is looking for one closer to her age.

I would say to you -- think it over very carefully get this out of your system. Go back home and be a good husband and a good father.

This younger woman is not for you, believe me.

What's a good after-school job?

2006-03-27T22:50:00.000-05:00

Hi Bubby,

I just turned 13 years old a few days ago and I am in the 7th grade. I really want to make some money, and I mean, I really do. I don't care how, I just do.

I can't get a serious job for 3 more years, and I can't mow yards, or get an allowance from my parents, or find someone who will let me clean their house for money. The reason is because those things, besides a serious job, are not around where I live, like mowing and cleaning.

I want to set up a bank account so I can pull the money out when I need it. I am tired of asking people to borrow money. My step-brother always goes to the big malls in huge cites and I won't go with him unless I have money because I hate having him pay for me. Everyone can tell that I never go anywhere because I have no money.

So please Bubby, help me and give some advice for what I could do. It will be appreciated greatly. I need a job.

Please help,
Penniless Girl

Dear Penniless Girl,

At this time if you want to work you can go on errands for your neighbors, you can go to the library and ask for some work. And -- there is nothing wrong with baby sitting. You can make money at that very easily. You can go to the supermarket and try to get a job filling up the shelves. In the winter you can sweep away the snow.
I have boys who do that and are very happy with the money they make.

I do think the best job at this time for you is babysitting. Try it. I think you will like it.

You can put an ad in your local paper stating your age and ask for a light job that won't interfere with your school work. And when you get answers you can pick the work you will like.

2006-03-23T19:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 15, and me and my boyfriend are having a few problems. I'm black and he is white. Most of the people around here are trying to break me and him up and I don't know what to do. What should I do?

I have already got called some bad things and he has got into fights because all of this.

Please help me.

From,
A Friend

Dear Friend,

Have you discussed this situation with your parents? How do they feel about it?

You are just 15 and I assume that the boy is about the same age too. So I think that neither one of you should be more that just friends. And in that case, you can be friends and enjoy your company without any complications.

At 15 you should be concerned with your school work, not a boyfriend. Wait until you are a few years older and you will laugh at yourself. Wait until you are in college and you will find plenty of boys of all colors.

Don't get involved with anyone at this time. You are too young.

2006-03-21T19:26:00.000-05:00

And now for something a little different...

Today Bubby's brother-in-law sent along this funny list of rules for a Jewish grandmother to live by. It's called, "Bubby's Talmud". So, nu, who needs a little laugh today?

Bubby's Talmud

If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
Some people leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.
Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
Always whisper the names of diseases.
If you don't eat, it will kill me.
Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
Prune danish is an acquired taste.
Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
Before you read the menu, read the prices.
According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.
No meal is complete without leftovers.
If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.

2006-03-20T21:20:00.000-05:00

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
How about a fun update today? In June of 2005 we received a letter from "Hair Despair", a 15-year old teenager who was devastated by her new haircut. Every time she looked in the mirror, she told Bubby, she burst into tears at the sight of her new look. Was that because she got it cut in France, or was it just a case of over eager shears? Either way, she poetically exclaimed to Bubby, "I can't go on..."

Always eager to help, Bubby offered "Hair Despair" some high-tech, super scientific, mensa-level advice: HAIR GROWS BACK. In fact, Bubby noted, even while "HD" was writing this very letter, her hair was growing. Not only that, Bubby said, "you will have a long tale to report to friends about what happened to your hair in France."

Nearly a year later, we just have to know: Still Hair Despair? Or Quite Contraire?

Hello Bubby,

When I wrote to you asking for help that was a year ago and I was quite upset about my awful haircut. But now a couple months later I am very HAPPPYYY :D

My hair is quite long now and I love it :)

I just had highlights put in my hair last week which I love and have gotten many compliments about :)

I realized I was being a bit stupid about my hair when it wasn't really even that bad. It was quite nice. I may get it cut again. So I am very happy now with my hair and I won't be sending any more letters of help to you :D

Thank you for getting back in touch.
--Hair Happy

Thanks for writing!

2006-03-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

What You Said...
Lots of great comments are being added to yesterday's post from the 66-year-young woman looking for more adventure in her life.

Dear Bubby,

I am a 13-year old girl and last year in school I was bullied. It wasn’t really bad -- mostly name-calling, ganging up on me and stuff like that. Then this girl I knew felt sorry for me and became my best friend. She is the best ever -- so kind and funny and cheers me up. We have been close mates ever since.

But I think it’s a bit different now. We are still best friends but sometimes she calls me insulting names and says that I'm fat and that she hates me. I know that she’s joking and all, but I take it a bit too seriously. If I ask her if she’s joking, she gets really, really annoyed. When we send each other text messages on our cell phone we always say, “lv ya xoxoxo”. If we are texting, but she’s annoyed, then she doesn’t say that.

One time after I came back from her house, I got really sick. I was so tired and I vomited all night. I didn’t wake up until the next day and I didn't go into school. I didn’t text her to tell her and she got annoyed. She texted me, saying, “Why were you not in school? I was a loner all day. Thanks a lot”. She didn’t even ask how I was.

I know this is a stupid problem and I know deep down that we are good mates and we trust each other. But when people call me names, even as a joke, it hurts. I feel like crying sometimes I’m so sad. I cannot fall out with her though. I like her too much and I haven’t ever done anything bad to upset her. I cannot tell her how I feel coz she gets annoyed when I do.

You have got to help me, Bubby.

Thanks,
Sad Chick

Dear Sad Chick,

These little things that you find annoying are just natural among young friends and you should not let it bother you. Ask your mother if she thinks so too and ask her to help you out.

You should have a serious talk with this friend if you don't want to lose her. Both of you will clear the air and get back to the friendship that you shared. Talking things out always "clears the air".

Let me hear from you again.
Good Luck,

2006-03-15T14:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

This is really silly... Here I am, a semi-retired 66-year old woman asking you what the "H" I should do with my life.

I have been retired since Dec 2005, and am now feeling very lost, unwanted and useless. I truly do not know where to turn.

Can you offer any suggestions?

Thanks,
Looking For More

Dear Looking For More,

You don't tell me what you have looked for but there is a lot out there. You can do any volunteer work which is so needed in schools, hospitals, and many organizations.

Then there are many courses of interest you can enroll in at the "Y" in your town. There are courses you can take and meet many new friends. If you are well and can get around, the world is your oyster.

Get to it and enjoy.

2006-03-14T18:12:00.001-05:00

Something Interesting...
We noticed that yesterday's post from the aspiring doctor/architect is inspiring a few "opinion posts" from our readers. Scroll down to read the letter again to see what people are writing (it's under the hamentashin recipe). It seems like you guys have more advice for "Something Out There", and we think that's cool. Thanks, and keep sharing your opinions.

And without further adieu, here is today's letter...

Dear Bubby,

My ex girlfriend and I broke up 5-6 weeks ago. She broke up with me and I've been a complete wreck since.

Four days after breaking up with me, she went on a date with her current new boyfriend. She's completely moved on (extremely fast) and I'm still a wreck. She wants to meet and talk in a few days -- to make progress towards a friendship, but I'm dying to be back with her. Plus I'm still deeply, deeply hurt. From the way she acts, she doesn't even really care anymore that I'm so hurt.

My question is, what should I do when we meet in a few days?? I want to just go off on her about all that she has done. However, at the same time I'm dying to be with her and I don't know what to do.

Signed,
Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

When you meet your ex girl friend, be as nice as possible. Act like a good friend - don't bring up what might have been. Talk as a friend and she will see how nice you are and start wondering if she really did the right thing by breaking up with you.

The fact that she called you shows that she has some misgivings. Give it a try. See her and be pleasant.

Good Luck,

2006-03-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

Bubby's recipe for Hamentashen/Purim Cookies
Just in time for the holiday today...

A year or so ago a reader named Betty the Baker asked Bubby if she could share her recipe for delicious "Purim cookies", also known as Hamentashen. So now, in honor of the holiday Purim this weekend, Bubby has dug out her special recipe to share with all of you.

The Recipe

INGREDIENTS
2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 t. salt
1/2 t. baking powder
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup pareve margarine
1 egg-slightly beaten
1 tsp. vanilla

DIRECTIONS
Pre-heat oven 375 degrees. Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Cut the margarine into small piece & cut into flour mixture until it looks like cornmeal. Mix well to form dough. (I use an electric mixer.) Chill several hours. (You can freeze for a later baking.)

Roll out dough 1/8" thick on a lightly floured board. You should have a clean place to roll out the dough - preferably a sheet made especially for rolling out dough. You can buy these in home cooking supplies stores. Also the cookie cutters. Keep a little dish with flour nearby when rolling out the dough to keep it from getting sticky. Just a sprinkle will do.

To form the hamentashen use a round cookie cutter no larger than 3". Cut dough into 3" circles. Place 1 tsp of filling towards the top of the circle. Fold over the flap directly above the filling; then fold over the flaps on either side of the filling sealing the corners on all 3 sides of the filling to form a triangle. Place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes till lightly browned.

The best filling to use are PRUNE BUTTER and APRICOT BUTTER or if you like you can use POPPY SEED MIXTURE. You should be able to buy all these things in a gourmet food shop.

Happy baking!

2006-03-13T14:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

Please help me because I really need advice....

I am 25 years old. I want to go to medicine school to be a medicine doctor and help people. But my parents, especially my father, doesn't want it. He wants me to go to school for engineering. I was really really disappointed and I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't want to hear it and won't bless it. So I try to cooperate with him and find a solution, which was to go to architecture school.

So I went to the placement test at medicine school and architecture school. And Bubby, you know what... I failed the placement test in medicine school. But I am accepted at architecture school. At the time I was really happy but I think I really, really don't know what must I do now. I feel like I have lost my way...

I try to enjoy the architecture school but it's hard because when you love something else so much, it makes you feel so desperate. But thanks God I can finish my architecture school...

But Bubby, since high school until now, my dream was to be a doctor. Always in my heart and my mind. I try to let it go but I can't. I can't forgive myself for failing the placement exam. I just want to find my biggest dream. Sometimes I can't forgive my father but I try.

Oh Bubby, please give me advice. Should I try to follow my dream or just let it go? I am really really sad, Bubby...

From,
Someone Out There

Dear Someone Out There,

If you failed the medical test exam, you can be sure that you will not be able to pass the rigorous program that you will have to go through to be a doctor. It is very hard and not glamorous. I am sure that since you did well on the architectural exam, you will learn to like it. And if you continue all the way through, you can earn your PHD in that field and even earn many honors.

I think you should give it a try and see what happens. Architecture is a wonderful profession - creative in every way. You no doubt have a gift that you have not yet recognized. You can always change.

Good Luck and let me hear from you.

2006-03-08T15:48:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to Bubby's granddaughter!
One of us is turning 28 today...

Reader Update:
On July 25, 2005, we posted a letter to Bubby from a woman who called herself, "From the Old Continent". She herself was a young 25, and was living in Brussels with her boyfriend/potential husband. Despite her success in love, she was having no such luck with her career. Her parents were encouraging her to take a job in Paris, in a position that she felt didn't fit her "adequation or experience." She said to Bubby, "I am afraid my parents will resent me if I don't accept, but they'll think I declined because my boyfriend is living in Brussels and not in Paris."

Bubby was most encouraging, assuring her that no job was worth getting up in the morning just to feel miserable. And in terms of the boy, Bubby advised, "Don't worry about your boyfriend. If you really love one another, distance will not make a difference. There are many ways to communicate - calls, travel and when the time is right, you can plan a wedding."

Well, enough time has passed and we wanted to know: Is our writer a bachelorette in Brussels, or a professional in Paris?

Dear Bubby,

Here is an update on my current situation. I was a French girl in love with a Belgian guy. I was living with him in Brussels and didn't know if I should stay there with him (with very little job opportunities) or go back in France to look for a job (with very few moments to share with him because of the distance).

I'm happy to say I'm still in love with my Belgian guy, he's fantastic and we're planning to get married in a few months. I'm currently in France, training for a job as a civil servant and that's very gratifying (and a good pay). My boyfriend has stayed in Brussels for the time I'm training but we see each other on week-ends, we call each other nearly every day, and are using a webcam to see each other a bit more.

And this is working, because we made it work, with lots of patience and love.

Thanks for your nice advice to me when I asked for it. It was useful and helped me a lot. I'll send you another update for the wedding.

Hugs and kisses,
From the Old Continent

Thanks for the update!

2006-03-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

What a nice way to start the day...

Dear Bubby,

No need to ask you for advice. Just wanted to say it must be so cool to be such a modern Bubby. Mine is 91 and has no use for computers. But she is an awesome oil painter. Thanks for giving out great advise. I'm sure IÂ'll be coming to you.

Happy Birthday belated as it is.

-- Sunny in CA

Thanks!

2006-03-07T20:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

I'm a 14-year old girl in 8th grade. And I am seriously seeking some advice, because I can't seem to find it from anyone else.

I moved to Virginia about 2 years ago, from the state I loved and hoped to live in forever, Georgia. In the past when I moved, I usually got used to my peers very quickly. But this was different, these kids were different. They didn't welcome new kids at school. So I was shy all year.

Now I am in 8th grade and I finally have a bunch of friends I love to death. But I feel like it's not enough. I wish I could finally conquer my shyness. The thing is, when someone who I think is popular at my school talks to me, I get all nervous. My voice turns high and I don't know what to say.

Is this like, not a adaptation to my new environment??

Thanks so much,
Lost In My Daze

Dear Lost In My Daze,

What you are experiencing is beginning fright from the new "kids" you are meeting. Nothing to worry about. Just be yourself.

Speak in your natural voice and very soon you will find that your voice has adjusted. It's when you try to change your voice tone that the sound becomes garbled. Changing from a southern state to a northern state and hearing other accents always affects the voice. The accents are different and sound funny.

Don't worry - just be yourself and in no time your voice will adjust.

Good luck,

2006-03-05T12:44:00.000-05:00

Bubby's podcast is on itunes!
Visit her page by clicking here. You'll need to have itunes installed on your computer in order to "subscribe" to our feed.

In an attempt to keep Bubby up-to-date with technology, we are making her recent audio posts available as a podcast on itunes. So for those of you who were unable to hear the original .wmv files, hopefully these new mp3's will help.

If you don't have itunes, you can download the new mp3s directly from this post below...

Posted Nov.16: "Holding Myself Back"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Nov.17: "Where's My Glory?"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Nov.18: "End of the World"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Nov.30: "Overprotected"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Dec.3: "17 and Pregnant"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Dec.16: "The Other Woman"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

Posted Jan.4: "Grandma Trouble"
Read the question
Hear Bubby's advice

How's that sound?
E-mail the granddaughters and let us know if enjoy this little podcast.

As a reminder, for those of you into RSS feeds, Bubby's website is available here and here:
http://helpmebubby.blogspot.com/atom.xml
http://feeds.feedburner.com/helpmebubby